No Second Chance

“I would lay down my life in a second. And truth be told, if push came to shove, I would lay down yours too.”

This quote establishes that Marc is willing to kill for his daughter, going so far as to threaten the reader’s life. This is a shocking hook, especially for a doctor, but it is Lenny who actually follows through on this threat. Marc does not kill anyone directly over the course of the novel, though it could be argued that the threat comes to fruition when he endangers Tatiana.

“I did not like being the patient, on the wrong end of the bed, if you will. They say doctors make the worst patients. This sudden role reversal is probably why.”

This is an early sign that Marc is struggling with not being in control of his situation. As a surgeon, Marc is used to calling the shots, especially in a hospital setting. Here he is, in his traditional domain, except now he has been stripped of his power and authority. This moment develops the theme “Loss of Control.”

“Some people find rapture in a house of worship. Me—and yeah, I know how corny this sounds—I found rapture in that crib.”

Marc never expresses much interest in religion, but it is moments like this where he comes close. However, instead of worshiping traditional deities, Marc finds meaning and bliss in the joy of seeing his infant daughter in her crib. It is a non-traditional form of worship, but it establishes how much the loss of Tara hurts Marc; it is as if his god has departed.

“[M]y feelings for my wife, in those stark moments when I was honest with myself, have always been muddled [...] Our marriage was an old-fashioned one—shotgun. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. Monica was pregnant. I was fence-sitting. The upcoming arrival tilted me into the matrimonial pasture.”

It is later revealed by Dina that Monica tried to get pregnant on purpose to make sure Marc would not leave her. By Marc’s own admission, he might not have married Monica if she had not been pregnant. It is also clear that Marc doubts whether he loved Monica.

“I also have a younger sister, Stacy, who is either a ‘substance abuser’ (for the more politically correct) or ‘crack-head’ (for the more accurate).”

Here we see Marc introduce Stacy and instantly engage with judging her addiction. By calling her the pejorative term “crack-head,” he dehumanizes her. This makes it easier for Marc to believe that Stacy could kidnap Tara, and it is not until the end of the novel that Marc begins to doubt that Stacy was ever capable of such a thing.

“In our youth, we scoffed at our parents, their materialism, their seemingly aimless values. Now we are our parents. We have simply replaced them, pushed Mom and Dad into whatever retirement village would have them. And our children have replaced us.”

This quote models the dynamics behind the theme of parental failure and the resulting generational trauma. Marc’s sentiment generally represents his town, but what he leaves unsaid is the damage done by each generation to the next. When children grow up to embody their parents, they will likely inflict the same trauma they experienced from their parents upon their children.

“Of course, I also knew that this was how they worked, how the police played the game, but I’m a doctor. Worse, a surgeon. We often make the mistake of thinking we’re smarter than everyone else.”

Related to the quote about Marc not liking being a patient is this quote about how Marc thinks he might be smarter than the police. Marc’s arrogance is almost his undoing here, as he ignores Lenny’s advice and speaks to the police. Marc talks himself into becoming the police’s prime suspect, until he and Lenny divulge the fact that there has been a ransom demand.

“Rachel and I were together. We had never broken up yet we had been apart all these years. I was still thirty-four, but she hadn’t aged since the day she left me. Tara was still my daughter in the dream—she had in fact never been kidnapped—but somehow she was also Rachel’s, though Rachel wasn’t the mother.”

This dream is both a remarkable piece of foreshadowing, but also not entirely accurate. While it is true that Rachel and Marc end up together, Rachel definitely has aged and has the experience of an FBI agent now. Likewise, while Tara is also Rachel’s at the end of the novel, she is also part of the Tansmores’ family.

“Lydia saw the widow sitting alone at Starbucks.”

This is the first example of the book taking away first-person narration from Marc. It is also Lydia’s introduction, as she cajoles and threatens this widow into paying her husband’s gambling debts. While it is a simple sentence, its effect is still jarring after several steady chapters of Marc’s narration.

“We’ll kill little Jack first. Then, two days later, we’ll kill Lila. if you report this conversation to the police, we’ll kill Jack and Lila and Darlene. All three, in age order. And then, after you bury your children—please listen, Wendy, because this is key—I’ll still make you pay.”

Lydia quickly exposes exactly how nasty she can be. This quote establishes that Lydia has no qualms about threatening to kill children to get her way, and it leaves little doubt that Lydia will follow through on her threats. Of note is that she will still insist on payment, even after murdering Wendy’s children. Coben characterizes his main antagonist here as ruthless and without morality.

“What gets me—what gives me the surprise wham—is the way grief seems to relish in catching you unawares. Grief, when spotted, can be, if not handled, somewhat manipulated, finessed, concealed. But grief likes to hide behind bushes. It enjoys leaping out of nowhere, startling you, mocking you, stripping away your pretense of normalcy. Grief lulls you to sleep, thus making that blindside hit all the more jarring.”

This quote is partnered with the one below as an exploration into Marc’s two primary emotions at this moment. Grief lurks around every corner in a world without Tara. Marc occasionally will suddenly start crying because the grief sneaks up on him. This quote also suggests that Marc can only compartmentalize his feelings so much.

“So you see, the hope is there. Like grief, hope hides and pounces and taunts and never leaves. I am not sure which of the two is the crueler mistress.”

Hope is the other side of the equation, but Marc feels that it gives grief a run for its money in the cruelty department. Hope without resolution is like grief without resolution—both are ongoing feelings without an end in sight.

“Are you one of those who believe that we all have one true soul mate—one and only one preordained love? There, across three Stop & Shop checkout lanes and under a sign reading EXPRESS LANE—15 ITEMS OR LESS, stood mine.”

Here Marc is wearing his heart on his sleeve. The fact that he thinks of Rachel in these terms is a slap in the face to Monica’s memory. However, Marc cannot deny his immediate, visceral reaction to seeing Rachel. 

“I fished out the key I had taped under the credenza and unlocked the bottom drawer. I lifted off the files and found my secret stash underneath. No, not drugs. The past. Rachel things. I found the familiar photo and pulled it into view.”

The fact that Monica knew about this picture before her death is sad. Marc claims his “Rachel things” are not drugs, but he indulges in his memories and longing for Rachel to the point where his marriage imploded into his wife trying to kill him. While he has disdain for his sister’s addiction, his own addiction to the past also has serious detrimental effects on his life and others’ as well.

“Monica. Did you love her? Or was there someone else? [...] You know who shot you, don’t you, Marc?”

Dina here is trying her level best to have Marc understand what happened, but she believes Marc knows more than he actually does. Since Marc is not actually cheating with Rachel, he is completely unaware that Monica had suspicions. He also does not know that Dina and Monica are friends. However, Dina’s last question lodges in Marc’s brain and recurs throughout the novel until she helps him find the answer: Monica shot him. Marc’s tendency to compartmentalize likely contributes to his lack of understanding, as he doesn’t want to believe he hurt Monica to the point that she wanted to kill him.

“Compartmentalizing wasn’t a question of desire as much as survival. To get emotional, to allow myself to wallow in doubt [...] it would paralyze me. That was probably what the kidnappers wanted. They wanted me to come apart. But I work well under pressure. I am at my best.”

Marc is suggesting here that his compartmentalization is the skill that will ensure his survival, but he continuously neglects the cost of hiding his emotions. When Rachel talks to him about nearly anything emotional, he silences himself and leaves her hanging. In addition, his constant compartmentalization and suppression of his feelings may simply cause his emotions to erupt in even less healthy ways. Firing a shot to intimidate Tatiana is one such example.

“She had hurt herself, had been a slut, had snorted and shot up more narcotics than one could imagine. She did none of these things to escape. She did them to lash out, to hurt something or someone. Her mistake, she realized in rehab after a truly horrific and violent incident, was that she was hurting herself. Fame raises you up. It makes others lesser. So why on earth was she hurting the one who should be on top? Instead, why not hurt the pitiful masses, those who had worshiped her, who had given her such heady power, who had turned on her? Why harm the superior species, the one who had been worthy of all this praise?”

This insight into how Lydia came to embrace violence against others is chilling. Her rationale is that because her show was canceled and she lost the spotlight, she is justified in taking out her rage on those she blames for her loss of fame and status. Unfortunately, she seems to blame anyone with a TV, as nearly everyone she meets besides Heshy is disposable to her.

“Monica Seidman had been dead for eighteen months. Her murderer had gone free. And now, with all hope lost, she seemed to have risen from the dead to point a finger...The subject of the pictures, the person Monica Seidman was pointing at, was Rachel Mills.”

This is Tickner’s impression once he sees the surveillance photos of Rachel that Monica paid MVD to take. The photos appear to be rock solid proof that Rachel is at the very least stalking Marc. However, nearly every person who sees the pictures jumps to the same incorrect conclusion as Monica: that Marc and Rachel are clearly having an affair.

“I still loved her. Irrational, wrong, stupid, naïve, whatever. I still loved her. Over the years, I might have convinced myself otherwise, but I had never stopped. She was still so damn beautiful, so damn perfect, and when I thought of how close she’d just come to death, those giant hands smothering away her breath, those niggling doubts began to soften. They wouldn’t go away. Not until I knew the truth. But no matter what the answers were, they would not consume me.”

Marc here is accepting that he truly does love Rachel, regardless of what the answers to his questions about her husband’s death and her presence at his workplace may bring. The thought of her death at Heshy’s hands drives away Marc’s concerns. He still needs answers, but he will be able to accept whatever the answers are. This is reminiscent of Verne’s attitude towards Katarina when she discloses the truth about her past.

“Men like Bacard needed justification. In his mind, he wasn’t selling babies. He really believed that he was helping. And if he made money [...] and broke the law, well, he was taking tremendous risk to better lives. Shouldn’t he be well compensated?”

This rhetorical question represents Bacard’s sense of entitlement. He truly does believe that he is the hero of his story, helping unfortunate parents find adoptable children in need. However, Lydia sees through him and has no time at all for his hypocrisy.

“We have to help him, Kat. Whatever you know. Whatever you done. I don’t care. If there are secrets, you tell them now. We wipe the slate clean. I can forgive just about anything. But I don’t think I can forgive if you don’t help that man and his little girl.”

This is Verne, saying out loud what Marc has been unable to say to Rachel about disclosing all their secrets. Thankfully, Rachel takes this lesson to heart and begins to discuss her husband’s suicide in the car ride to Tatiana’s motel after this conversation. Verne’s desire to help Marc is truly touching. Despite Verne’s rough edges, he has a good heart that is easy to see. True to his word, he forgives Katarina instantly.

“Look at her [...] She got beaten up, she got shot, for Chrissake [...] You let that go, you know what you are? [...] A professional dumb-ass. You give up your amateur status.”

Verne is openly telling Marc he is a fool if he does not hold on to Rachel. While Marc tries to figure out what to do from a cerebral perspective, Verne’s gut has already shown him what is right. Marc tries to say before this that he does not really know Rachel, and Verne is right to call him out on this ridiculous notion.

“You can’t do the wrong thing for the right reason [...] If Lorraine and I don’t do this, we’re not fit to raise her. We want Natasha to be happy. We want her to be a good person.”

Abe’s statement of moral clarity shows Marc that the Tansmores truly are worthy of raising Tara. Unlike Lenny’s murky moral code that prioritizes his ability to be with his family above all else, the Tansmores have a strong understanding of right and wrong. It’s this willingness to give up Tara for what is right that sparks Marc’s willingness to co-parent with the Tansmores. This signals his wish to break generational cycles of abuse.