My Year of Rest and Relaxation

“I can’t point to any one event that resulted in my decision to go into hibernation. Initially, I just wanted some downers to drown out my thoughts and judgments, since the constant barrage made it hard not to hate everyone and everything. I thought life would be more tolerable if my brain were slower to condemn the world around me.”

Early in the novel, the narrator explains her rationale for hibernation, or “rest and relaxation.” She has spent the past few years in a deep psychic malaise, and she knows that if she is to continue living, something needs to change. She begins visiting a psychiatrist, Dr. Tuttle, believing that prescription drugs will numb the overwhelming pain she feels as the result of grief, loneliness, and anxiety.

“It started off very innocently: I was plagued with misery, anxiety, and a wish to escape the prison of my mind and body.”

The narrator describes a personal breaking point. Truly believing that only sleep can bring relief, she sets out to dupe the first psychiatrist she can into dispensing prescriptions. On a small scale, this passage reflects her unreliable narration; she plans to lie from the outset, yet she says this plan begins “very innocently.”

“Life was fragile and fleeting and one had to be cautious, sure, but I would risk death if it meant I could sleep all day and become a whole new person.”

The narrator knows that she is playing a dangerous game by lying to a doctor. She also knows it is dangerous to misuse these many drugs, but her desperation outweighs her caution. While the narrator has no plans for suicide, she is willing to risk fatal consequences if it means she could leave her old self, painful memories and all, behind her.