More Happy Than Not

Memory is one of the prevailing themes of this novel. One way the text approaches memory is through overt, explicit discussions of remembering and forgetting and the mechanisms by which we do both. What underpins all of these, however, is the role that memory plays in the recognition and development of one’s self-image. When the reader meets Aaron, he has a vague but optimistic view of the future and a vaguer, somewhat detached view of his past. We learn later in the novel that this is because he’s had his memories manipulated to forget that he is gay and had his heart broken; he tries to have this past excised like a tumor. However, forgetting these parts of himself means that he has no real concept of what he wants or how to get it.

For example, Aaron does not remember his relationship with Collin, so he struggles to identify Thomas’s sexuality and gauge any reciprocal interest. Because he has forgotten his own sexuality, he struggles anew with his desire breaking through the heteronormative walls he’s built for himself. Without remembering the truth behind his father’s death and his own suicide attempt, he repeatedly considers suicide as an option.