Mile High (Windy City, #1)

“Then I started going to therapy. Religiously. I worked on my shit, and by our senior year, Maddison and I were the best of friends. We still played for different teams, but we respected each other and found common ground through our mental health struggles. He dealt with anxiety and panic attacks, and I dealt with so much bitter anger it would result in panic attacks simply because it would consume me, blinding me from reality.”

Evan Zanders and Eli Maddison’s relationship history captures the essence of Zanders’s true nature. Zanders doesn’t share his private identity with most people, but with his best friend, he can be himself because he and Maddison have supported each other through challenging times. This exposition explains who Zanders really is and illustrates the version of self that he is trying to embrace.

“As soon as I exit out of our messages, I redownload my Tinder app. I never use the apps when I’m home, but one of the perks of spending a good amount of time on the road is the casual hookup with a stranger. I feel more confident in bed when it’s someone I know I’ll never see again. I don’t worry too much about how my body looks or how soft I feel under someone random. I get to let loose and feel good with the sole purpose of getting off, knowing they’ll never lay eyes on me again.”

In this passage, Stevie Shay’s complex attitude toward sex and dating indicates her fraught relationship with her body. Stevie hides her insecurities from others and avoids authentic forms of intimacy because she doesn’t feel confident about her physical appearance. The way that she interacts with her dating app therefore reveals the extent of her self-doubting and self-deprecating habits.

“The bar suddenly seems overcrowded and hot. I’m not claustrophobic, but it currently feels like I might be. I close my empty fist. My palms are clammy as a rush of warm air hits my cheeks, my vision slightly blurring. I attempt to take a breath, but there’s no air in the room. Fuck. I haven’t had one of these in years. Without a word or a second thought, I bolt out the front door of the bar.”

Zanders’s emotional and physical response to his sister Lindsey’s text message about their mother hints at the extent of his childhood trauma. The use of fragmentation and expletives in this passage illustrates Zanders’s harried state of mind and indicates that his traumatic past continues to impact him powerfully, even in his adult life.