Memoirs of a Geisha

“Inside this tipsy house I lived something of a lopsided life. Because from my earliest years I was very much like my mother, and hardly at all like my father or older sister. My mother said it was because we were made just the same, she and I—and it was true we both had the same peculiar eyes of a sort you almost never see in Japan. Instead of being dark brown like everyone else's, my mother's eyes were a translucent gray, and mine are just the same.”

Here, Sayuri describes her childhood spent in Yoroido, where she lives with her family. Her house is located on a cliff and is slanted in such a way that it appears to be leaning away from the sea. Like the house itself, Sayuri’s family is lopsided, in that Sayuri is much more like her mother than her father or sister; notably, they share the same unusual gray eyes, and characters often comment on this striking feature when they encounter Sayuri.

“Even as a child I could tell that Mr. Tanaka saw the world around him as it really was; he never wore the dazed look of my father. To me, he seemed to see the sap bleeding from the trunks of the pine trees, and the circle of brightness in the sky where the sun was smothered by clouds. He lived in the world that was visible, even if it didn't always please him to be there.”

Whereas Sayuri’s father often seemed to be dazed or puzzled by the world around him, Mr. Tanaka is a more astute, world-wise character. Sayuri does not know what awaits her when she meets him, but, even as a child, she can perceive this contrast between the two men. As she goes on to realize, Mr. Tanaka does not harbor any illusions about the world and is not the kind of person to daydream. He recognizes that the world is not always ideal, but he remains fully present in it nonetheless. 

“I walked home in a state of such agitation, I don’t think there could have been more activity inside me if I'd been an anthill. I would've had an easier time if my emotions had all pulled me in the same direction, but it wasn't so simple. I'd been blown about like a scrap of paper in the wind. Somewhere between the various thoughts about my mother-somewhere past the discomfort in my lip-there nestled a pleasant thought I tried again and again to bring into focus. It was about Mr. Tanaka. I stopped on the cliffs and gazed out to sea, where the waves even after the storm were still like sharpened stones, and the sky had taken on the brown tone of mud. I made sure no one was watching me, and then clutched the incense to my chest and said Mr. Tanaka's name into the whistling wind, over and over, until I felt satisfied I'd heard the music in every syllable. I know it sounds foolish of me-and indeed it was. But I was only a confused little girl.”

After her first encounter with Mr. Tanaka, during which he had told her that she was beautiful, Sayuri feels overwhelmed and struggles to deal with the various thoughts clouding her mind.