Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

“Like in those National Geographic Channel shows that capture the embryonic development and birth of rare crocodiles, I want to capture the process in which humans, struggling to evolve, push against their shells until they quietly (but sometimes loudly) and slowly (but sometimes suddenly) crack open.” 

The author uses analogy with a popular TV format to draw attention to the core of therapeutic process: It is unpredictable but also based on natural patterns. A therapist needs to observe the patient like the naturalist observes the developmental progression of an animal he or she wants to get to know better. A person’s psychic evolution is unique and communal: A therapist’s job is to be present in the moment to capture the change so that the patient receives appropriate help and support. 

“Our training [as therapists] has taught us theories and tools and techniques, but whirring beneath our hard-earned expertise is the fact that we know just how hard it is to be a person.” 

Even though patients are initially strangers whose life is unknown to a therapist, all professionals will utilize their experience and expertise to lay the groundwork for future analysis: Because all humans share the fact of living, a therapist is just another human who knows how life works a little bit better than others. The author emphasizes the therapists’ humanity in performing their job successfully.

“Every day, our patients are opening up questions that we have to think about for ourselves. If they can see themselves more clearly through our reflections, we can see ourselves more clearly through theirs [...] We are mirrors reflecting mirrors reflecting mirrors, showing one another what we can’t yet see.” 

Lori Gottlieb’s central thematic image is that human interactions (and especially in therapy) are a series of reflections through which humans learn about others and themselves. Without this process of mirroring (which in psychology indicates the subconscious need of any person to imitate and replicate gestures, attitudes, and patterns of other people in their environment), a person cannot function within society.