Marriage is a Private Affair

“Marriage is a Private Affair” is a short story by Chinua Achebe, the Nigerian author known for his seminal debut novel, Things Fall Apart (1958). Achebe is considered one of the most important English-language African authors, sharing an inside perspective on African culture and issues like colonialism and national identity. He won the Man Booker International Prize in 2007 for his lifetime achievements in literature. “Marriage is a Private Affair” is one of many short stories that Achebe wrote during his undergraduate studies and is an early example of many of the themes that characterize his oeuvre, including Change and Tradition, Conceptions of Marriage, and Generational Conflict.

This guide refers to the version of the story in Girls at War and Other Stories, published by Anchor Books in 1991.

Note: The short story uses “Ibo,” the spelling of Okeke and Nnaemeka’s tribe commonly used under British colonialism. The spelling “Igbo” is preferred; this spelling is used in the guide other than in quoted material.

Published in 1952, “Marriage is a Private Affair” is set in colonial Nigeria and tells the story of a young couple, Nnaemeka and Nene, who live in Lagos, the largest city in Nigeria, and are engaged to be married. The story explores themes of tradition, culture, and modernity and raises questions about the role of tradition in contemporary society.

The story begins with Nene asking Nnaemeka if he has written to his father (Okeke) informing him of their engagement. Nnaemeka suggests that it might be better if he tells his father in person when he goes to visit in six weeks because he is not sure that his father will share in their happiness. Nene doesn’t understand why Okeke would not like that his son is in love and engaged to be married, and Nnaemeka explains that the Igbo people traditionally arrange marriages within the tribe. In a recent letter, Okeke informed Nnaemeka that he “found a girl who will suit [him] admirably” (24), and he is hoping to begin marriage negotiations with her father when Nnaemeka is home in December.

As expected, when Nnaemeka visits his father and tells him that “it is impossible for [him] to marry Nweke’s daughter” (24), Okeke is outraged. He is horrified by the news that Nnaemeka is engaged to a teacher because he believes that Christian women should not work, and he refuses to accept Nene as his son’s wife because she is not Igbo. Okeke is a firm believer in tradition, and he believes that marriages should happen only between people of the same tribe. He tells Nnaemeka that he will disown him if he goes ahead with the marriage. Although “deeply affected by his father’s grief” (26), Nnaemeka marries Nene.

Okeke turns to his friends for support in dealing with what he views as his son’s betrayal of him and his culture. They suggest that he consult an herbalist to prescribe medicine to help Nnaemeka return to his right mind. Okeke opts not to enlist the help of an herbalist and cuts off virtually all communication with his son. In response to a letter that Nnaemeka sends him with their wedding picture, Okeke sends back the picture with Nene cut out of it.

For eight years, Okeke has very little contact with his son and does not see him. Nene and Nnaemeka also experience some prejudice against their marriage in Lagos. The Igbo people who live in Lagos treat Nene differently because she is not one of them. Despite this, Nene manages to make some friends in this group and wears down the prejudice the other women feel against her. Nene and Nnaemeka are a happy couple, and they have two sons. Others in the Igbo village have heard of their happiness, but no one dares to talk about it when Okeke is around.

One day, Okeke receives a letter from Nene imploring him to meet his grandsons; they are anxious to know their grandfather, whom they have never met. Despite himself, Okeke is intrigued by this opportunity and begins to feel his anger and resentment toward his son flagging. As he struggles against his emotions, Okeke looks out the window and sees that it’s starting to rain, “the first rain in the year” (29). He tries to push thoughts of his grandsons from his mind by humming a hymn to himself, but the rain disrupts the tune, and his thoughts keep returning to the children. That night, Okeke cannot sleep as he imagines the children standing outside in the storm. He feels guilt and remorse and fears that he will not have the opportunity to make up for the time he lost with his grandchildren.