Love, Hate and Other Filters

“Dad clears his throat. ‘Well, it’s a good hobby, anyway.’ Translation: don’t get any ideas.”

Maya enjoys videography, and she brings her camcorder to the wedding to make a special movie for her newlywed friend. Even though he gave Maya her first video camera, Asif does not consider filmmaking a legitimate career. His disapproval adds to Maya’s stress and guilt about her secret application to NYU to study film.

“I guess I don’t know how to live the life I want and still be a good daughter.”

Maya struggles to accept to her parents’ expectations that she be a doctor or lawyer because it’s not what she wants. The dilemma is compounded by Asif and Sofia’s cultural expectations of an Indian daughter and their desire for Maya to act more like a traditional Indian.

“We should have sent you to a boarding school in India. Then you would have learned to be a good daughter, not like these ungrateful girls here who can’t cook and don’t know how to show proper respect to their parents. Some even marry white American boys.”

Sofia wants Maya to take more interest in her Indian culture and heritage, to act more Indian than American, and to respect Sofia’s wishes. This causes Maya to feel guilty because she is hiding the fact that she is taking swimming lessons from Phil, a white American boy.

“I’ll have to lie again to explain how I could possibly get this tan at the bookstore or at the mall. I don’t have a choice. The lies make life easier for everyone.”

Maya finds that lying is a convenient way to prevent open tension with her parents. But lying also keeps her from expressing what she really wants, which is to study film at NYU. Being someone she is not is the biggest lie of all.

“I guess they’re nervous to send me away because they can’t keep an eye on me. In India, plenty of women live at home until they get married, but things are changing there, too. But my parents are frozen in the past, in the India of their youth.”

Maya’s parents live with certain Indian cultural understandings about unmarried daughters. Maya’s sharing this with Phil opens deeper conversation later in the book. Phil’s own parents are frozen in their youthful past in Batavia, Illinois, and they do not want Phil to go far away for college. Maya and Phil’s shared struggle to meet parental expectations deepens their friendship.

“And the Muslim? The Indian? That girl, she doesn’t even get the dream of the football captain. She gets a lifetime of being stopped by the FAA for random bag searches every time she flies. She gets the nice boy, the sensible boy, the one her parents approve of and who she will grow to love over years and children and necessity.”

After Phil leans close but does not kiss her, Maya is convinced that she will never get what she wants in life. This blinds Maya to the fact that Phil actually likes her very much—and that she does have the power to make decisions about her life.

“Maya, you can’t force yourself to be into someone. And we’ve only been on one date, so I get it. It’s not working for you.”

Kareem comforts Maya after she admits she does not have romantic feelings for him. Kareem is part of a younger generation of Indian Americans who have different ideas about love and dating than their Indian-born parents. Kareem’s acceptance of Maya’s feelings is significant because he does not see her lack of romantic feelings for him as a failure, whereas Maya’s mother does.

“You and Dad agreed. Not me. I want to go to NYU.”

Maya points out that it was her parents’ decision for her to go to the University of Chicago. Asif and Sofia’s cultural background dictates that Maya should do as she is told. They are upset when Maya reveals her desire to attend NYU despite their wishes.

“Collateral damage. Sweat drips off the hook of his nose. He bites his cheek. Hard. Blood fills his mouth.”

Ethan sees a child entering the daycare at the federal building. Here the similarities between Ethan Branson and Timothy McVeigh become clear. McVeigh committed the Oklahoma City bombing in 1995 and famously said that the children who died were “collateral damage,” or mere unintended casualties of his plan.

“As we walk down the hall, I have the distinct sense that we’re leaving a tiny, crumbling world behind us. We step outside into the brash light of another world I can’t possibly understand.”

After the bombing in Springfield, Maya senses that the world has changed around her. Her feeling is confirmed when Brian assaults her and vandals attack her parents’ office, as well as when Asif and Sofia renege on their promise to send Maya to NYU. The bombing also proves to be the catalyst that inspires Maya to attend NYU without her parents’ permission.

“It’s selfish and horrible, but in this terrible moment, all I want is to be a plain old American teenager. Who can simply mourn without fear. Who doesn’t share last names with a suicide bomber. Who goes to dances and can talk to her parents about anything and can walk around without always being anxious. And who isn’t a presumed terrorist first and an American second.”

Maya’s classmates do not have to worry about cultural and religious consequences after acts of terrorism. When Ethan Branson is identified as the actual bomber, no one makes assumptions about the intentions of the white students at Maya’s school.

“Terrorism has no religion. Think about Dylann Roof and that church in Charleston or the attack at the Sikh gurdwara in Wisconsin. Terrorists have their own ideology. What knows what hatred compels them?”

Sofia points out that Islam and terrorism do not go together. In fact, terrorism does not mix with any religion. Terrorists are eager to find a cause, such as religion, to justify their actions, but religion played a small role, if any, in Ethan Branson’s decision to commit terrorism. His true ideology was white nationalism.

“Brian Jennings […] Bullied her. Because she’s Muslim. And there were witnesses.”

When Maya cannot bring herself to say that Brian Jennings verbally harassed and taunted her at school, Violet tells the officer instead. Violet wants to be a good friend by helping Maya and standing up for her, but Maya fears the consequences of reporting the incident. Since Brian later assaults Maya, her fears may have been justified.

“It’s too dangerous for you to be far away. You can’t go to New York. You need to stay close to us. It’s decided.”

After Maya’s parents’ dental office is vandalized, Sofia tells Maya that she cannot go to New York University after all. This is a turning point in the book because Maya starts to lose hope and trust in her parents.

“I don’t give a fuck where you were born. My brother lost his leg in Iraq because of you… people.”

Maya tries to explain to Brian that she is an American citizen and that she is not responsible for the bombing in Springfield. Brian does not want to listen. Instead he carries out his plan, which is to hurt Maya.

“Phil takes three steps toward me, wraps his right arm around my waist, and pulls me to him. He left hand cradles the side of my face, and his warm lips kiss mine in a frenzy.”

Phil finds Maya at the cottage in the woods, and he is relieved to see her. They share their first kiss. Both have been wanting this kiss for a long time.

“Ethan is in his room when his father comes home. He hears his parents talk. His mother shows the paper and the note to his father. His raised voice and slurred words tell Ethan what will come next. Potential? Potential for what? That kid is going to amount to nothing and no good. Biggest regret of my life.”

Even though Ethan received a good grade on a paper, Ethan’s dad is convinced that Ethan will never amount to anything. This rejection plays a major role in Ethan’s quest for significance—and his decision to bomb a building.

“The choice is my dreams or theirs. In that way, it’s not a real choice at all. It’s an imperative.”

Maya realizes that she must fight for what is important to her, even if it upsets her parents. Throughout the book she has tried to fulfill her parents’ expectations while pursuing her dreams in secret. The choice is stark, which is why she has avoided making it.

“I’m not asking you for permission; I’m informing you of my decision. I am going to New York in August.”

When Maya declares that she is going to New York, Asif and Sofia see this as disrespectful, immature, and completely contrary to their expectations for Maya. These words set in motion an ultimatum from Asif and then disownment by Maya’s parents.

“Look what happened after this bombing. We’ll always be scapegoats. Even though it was one of their people who did this. See what happened to us and to you. We don’t belong here.”

Sofia is frightened by the consequences of the terrorist attack in Springfield, namely the vandalism against their dental practice and Brian’s attack on Maya. She sees their home as the only safe place for Maya and cannot understand why Maya would choose New York over the safety her parents can provide.

“Yes, terrible racist stuff happened, but we’re part of this place, and it’s a part of us. And we can help make it better by being here and living our lives and being happy. We are American and Indian and Muslim.”

Maya points out to her parents that the bombing, vandalism, and assault do not have to define their lives. She believes her family should embrace their complex identity and not be afraid. Her parents do not see their identity in the same way that Maya sees hers.

“But other romances, like this one, are simply short-subject documentaries—lacking traditional narratives and quippy dialogue. Everyday people lying next to each other on a makeshift beach, the mottled spring light passing through the dense trees before softly surrendering to dusk.”

Maya’s evening with Phil is especially beautiful because they both know theirs is a short romance. Maya uses film jargon to describe the night as a way of recording the documentary of her own life.

“That you are here—that life exists and identity, / That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.”

Ethan Branson tears the page containing this Walt Whitman poem out of his literature book. He also speaks at length in class about the poem. Ethan feels insignificant, and the Whitman poem reminds him that he is powerful. Unfortunately, he decides to prove his power by committing terrorism.