Long Bright River

“Am I weak? Probably in some ways: stubborn, maybe, obstinate, mulish, reluctant to accept help even when it would serve me to. Physically afraid, too […] Poor: yes. Weak: yes. Stupid: no. I’m not stupid.”

Intelligence becomes an important issue in Mickey’s experience. Her intelligence sets her apart from the rest of the O’Briens, who ridicule anyone who trades on intelligence to get ahead in the world. Gee prevents Mickey from applying to college; a higher education would prove she isn’t stupid like the rest of the family.

“This was the secret I learned that day: None of them want to be saved. They all want to sink backward toward the earth again, to be swallowed by the ground, to keep sleeping.”

Mickey has just saved Kacey from dying of a drug overdose. The elder sibling is only beginning to understand the motivation behind addiction. Kacey finds the world so unbearable that death is a preferable alternative to life in Kensington.

“It was a choice meant to assure my peers of my independence and myself of Kacey’s proximity. Her presence in any situation, familial or educational, tended to reassure me.” 

As children, Mickey tries to stick close to Kacey. The quote explains her motivation and illuminates her later frantic quest to find her sister. Kacey is the only link to a real family that Mickey has left, and she refuses to let go.