Lament for a Son

Lament for a Son (1987) is a memoir by philosopher and theologian Nicholas Wolterstorff. The book emerged from Wolterstorff’s grief following the tragic death of his 25-year-old son, Eric, in a mountain-climbing accident in Austria. As a philosopher with expertise in epistemology and philosophy of religion, Wolterstorff blends his raw emotion with philosophical and theological reflection. The book falls within the genre of spiritual autobiography and grief literature, exploring faith in the face of devastating loss. The title Lament for a Son reflects both the personal nature of Wolterstorff’s grief and the universal human experience of mourning, echoing the tradition of biblical laments. Throughout the work, Wolterstorff grapples with the reality of suffering, the nature of God, and the complexities of faith, offering readers an intimate look at one man’s journey through grief while addressing complex questions about life, death, and the human condition.

This guide uses the eBook of the 1987 Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. edition.

Content Warning: The source text discusses death and grief. There are also brief references to death by suicide and the Holocaust.

Summary

The narrative begins with Eric’s burial on a warm June day, contrasting the softness of willow seeds blanketing the ground with the harsh reality of death. Wolterstorff recounts receiving the news of Eric’s death on a bright Saturday afternoon, just after sending Eric’s younger brother off to join him for the summer. He provides a comprehensive background of Eric’s life, character, and pursuits, portraying him as a National Merit Scholar who excelled in science and math but ultimately chose to pursue art history. Eric is described as talented, hardworking, and adventurous, with a strong faith and an ability to find delight in the world around him.

Throughout the book, Wolterstorff grapples with the profound sense of loss and the void left by Eric’s absence. He explores the pain of losing a child, describing it as deeply wrong and contrary to the natural order of life. The author reflects on the irreplaceability of each individual and mourns the loss of Eric’s unique perspective on the world, or what he calls Eric’s “inscape,” borrowing a term from poet Gerard Manley Hopkins.

Wolterstorff’s grief is depicted as all-encompassing, affecting every aspect of his life. The author struggles with the finality of Eric’s death, feeling that his life is now divided into “before” and “after” this loss. Wolterstorff finds it particularly challenging to look at photographs of Eric as a young child, feeling that these images are more difficult to bear than those of him as an adult.

The book delves into philosophical and theological questions raised by Eric’s death. Wolterstorff wrestles with traditional religious consolations, finding that even the hope of resurrection does not ease his immediate grief over Eric’s absence in the present. He explores the concept of a suffering God, suggesting that God experiences sorrow alongside humanity rather than remaining impassive to human pain. This leads him to reinterpret biblical passages and to consider whether human suffering might bring humans closer to the image of God. The author engages in an imagined dialogue with God about the slowness of divine redemption compared to the swiftness of the world's creation, questioning why God allows the process of recreation and the conquest of sin, death, and suffering to be so agonizingly slow.

Wolterstorff also reflects on societal expectations surrounding grief, challenging norms that encourage stoicism, especially in men. He advocates for allowing oneself to cry and show vulnerability, suggesting that enduring while crying requires as much strength as maintaining a dry-eyed facade. The author criticizes some approaches to grief that encourage turning away from death and rationalizing the pain, insisting on facing the reality of his son’s death directly.

The author provides advice on comforting the bereaved, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging pain and being present rather than trying to minimize the loss. He also reflects on the isolating nature of grief, emphasizing that it separates the bereaved not only from those not grieving, but also from fellow mourners, as each person’s grief is unique.

Throughout the book, Wolterstorff grapples with his faith in light of Eric’s death. While he cannot abandon his belief in God, finding the evidence for God’s existence compelling, he expresses deep confusion and hurt. He rejects simplistic explanations of God’s role in death and explores the concept of lament as a mode of addressing God in times of suffering. Wolterstorff firmly rejects the idea that God actively chose to end Eric’s life, describing his struggle to reconcile his belief in God with the tragedy of his son’s death as a question that remains unanswered.

The book concludes with Wolterstorff contemplating the meaning of suffering and the possibility of resurrection. He ponders the logistical and philosophical challenges of uniting people from vastly different time periods and cultures in the afterlife. The author frames his grief journey as a process of moving through desolation towards a deeper communion, finding new beginnings in endings.

The author ends with a quote from T.S. Eliot’s Four Quartets, encapsulating his journey through grief, questioning, and tentative hope. In the final pages, Wolterstorff bids farewell to his son, expressing uncertainty about the reality of resurrection but holding onto hope, imagining a future conversation with Eric.