Lament for a Son

“Death, I knew, was cold. And death was still. But nobody had mentioned that all the softness went out. His spirit had departed and taken along the warmth and activity and, yes, the softness. He was gone.”

Wolterstorff expresses the physical reality of death and its emotional impact on the bereaved. He uses sensory language to convey the stark contrast between life and death, emphasizing the unexpected loss of “softness” in his son’s body. The repetition of “softness” underscores its significance, while the italicized “He” emphasizes the totality of the loss of a specific individual—death removes not just physical attributes, but the essence of the person, reflecting Each Experience of Death as Unique. This passage introduces the physicality of grief and the struggle to reconcile the body with the person who once inhabited it.

“We took him too much for granted. Perhaps we all take each other too much for granted. The routines of life distract us; our own pursuits make us oblivious; our anxieties and sorrows, unmindful. The beauties of the familiar go unremarked. We do not treasure each other enough.”

Wolterstorff uses parallel structure to list the various ways people become distracted from valuing each other. The repetition of “too much for granted” emphasizes regret and serves as a cautionary message to readers. This passage stresses the preciousness of life, while also critiquing societal values that prioritize individual pursuits over relationships.

“When we gather now there’s always someone missing, his absence as present as our presence, his silence as loud as our speech. Still five children, but one always gone.”

These lines convey the persistent void left by loss. Wolterstorff employs paradox (“absence as present,” “silence as loud”) to emphasize how keenly felt Eric’s absence is. The juxtaposition of “five children” with “one always gone” creates a tension between what should be and what is.