Know My Name: A Memoir

The summer after the trial, Miller still struggles to adjust to normal life. She continues to have trouble sleeping as “[her] bad dreams intensif[y]” (257). She finds temporary relief only in reading through “a bag of letters by [her] bed, working through them slowly to preserve them for as long as [she] could” (257). She and Lucas move in together in San Francisco, where she begins to work on her memoir. When alone at night, she becomes paranoid about being attacked in her sleep. In general, Miller states that “[T]here is a certain carefree feeling that was stripped from [her] the night of the assault” (260).

Miller details how her relationship with sex has changed as well. She battles with the association between sex and her assault, which has left her “still unsure of how to inhabit [her] body” (262). To work on this, Miller begins practicing yoga. Through her practice, she slowly builds back her connection to her body, which “make[s] [her] feel[] beautiful, powerful, makes [her] want to be consumed, to share all the small parts of [her]” (265). Miller shares the harrowing experience of getting her first Pap smear since the assault.