It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People

“We can begin to break intergenerational cycles of devaluation and invalidation and psychological self-harm. These stories must be told.”

Durvasula calls for acknowledgment and discussion of the deep-seated patterns of emotional abuse that traverse generations. The above quote serves as a declaration of the book’s purpose: to illuminate the damaging cycles of narcissistic abuse and to affirm the importance of sharing these stories as a means of healing and prevention.

“Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.”

Durvasula invokes this quote from Romanian American author and Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel to underscore the importance of addressing and confronting harmful behaviors directly. She emphasizes that ignoring or remaining neutral in the face of narcissistic abuse indirectly supports the abuser and further harms the victim, highlighting the moral imperative to take a stand.

“Focusing on their anxiety without educating them about the patterns within these relationships was like fixing engine problems by putting air in the tires.”

Here, Durvasula uses a simile to criticize approaches in therapy that address only symptoms, like anxiety, without tackling the underlying causes—namely, the toxic dynamics of narcissistic relationships. This communicates the ineffectiveness of such treatment methods and underscores the need for a holistic approach that includes awareness and education about abuse patterns.