It's Not All Downhill From Here

“It’s like they’re sitting around just waiting to die. But I do not subscribe to the belief that it’s all downhill from here. Life isn’t over at sixty-five. I feel like a car. As long as I change the oil and rotate the tires, I can get plenty more mileage out of it. Easier said than done.”

Referring to the novel’s title in Chapter 1 sets the tone for Loretha’s motivation and character goals. However, her use of the phrase does not match her analogy. Rather than expressing how to enhance and improve an old car, she portrays simply maintaining it and hoping it still runs. This becomes problematic to her overall beliefs and challenges her understanding of what the phrase “it’s all downhill from here” means.

“I’ve been trying to do what needs to be done, but I was not prepared for this hole Carl left in my heart, in my life. How in the world am I going to fill it? And with what? And where on earth do I go from here?”

Loretha is unprepared for Carl’s death and struggles with finding Resilience in the Face of Personal Loss. She became dependent on Carl’s presence and must now learn to be an individual again.

“I wish he had just told me he was gay. He was probably scared and thought I wouldn’t be able to handle it, but he was wrong. Nobody should have to hide who they are inside to please people on the outside.”

McMillan challenges the stereotype of the homophobic older adult through Loretha and her friends. While not everyone Loretha interacts with is accepting of gay people, her close friend group is, challenging societal beliefs about older people.

“You don’t listen. You think you’ve got all the answers. You worry about the wrong things. I still have wisdom to give you before I kick the bucket.”

Loretha’s characterization is complicated as her mother expresses a different view of her. Thus far, Loretha has been a woman without all the answers because she relied on Carl to have them. Ma adds a new layer to Loretha’s personality and reveals a stubbornness that Loretha will need to use.

“Look, I know you’re probably still grieving hard and I just have to say it took me almost a year to get used to my sweet Donald being gone. I just want you to know that you can only do what you can do.”

Loretha’s friends support her through Carl’s death with anecdotes, encouragement, and assistance as necessary. Their combined strength portrays the influence and power of The Bonds Between Friends and Family.

“So, I stared at myself and realized I was almost unrecognizable. I was wondering when and how this happened to me, or when did I do this to myself? I know better.”

Ma challenges Loretha’s self-perception. Hearing her mother have the physical self-confidence to talk well about herself forces Loretha to look in the mirror—literally and figuratively—to examine herself and the person she has become.

“I don’t want to end up like them. I want to do something with my life. This is one reason why I’m scared to drink. My moms always made it seem like once you start you can’t stop.”

Kwame’s fear of drinking reflects the narrative impact of drugs, a motif throughout the novel. Kwame wants to be in control of his life and career, and he has seen firsthand how alcohol and other drugs can take that autonomy away from someone.

“Be able to recognize your prime at whatever time of your life it may occur.”

Loretha receives this philosophical statement from a fortune cookie, foreshadowing the development she must undergo. She has already written off that she is past her prime; to grow, she must recognize that her “prime” is whenever she determines it is, not at a predetermined point based on her age.

“I could see how much was missing through the broken glass and I had no interest in trying to figure out what was still in there. This was a sign: it was time to move the store. Because unlike my husband, everything in here could be replaced.”

Loretha’s beauty shop being robbed symbolically portrays her ingrained beauty beliefs. She begins to understand that beauty is subjective as she identifies what is permanent and unchangeable and what is not.

“I think they have to hit rock bottom before they realize they need help getting back up.”

Loretha wants to help Jalecia before Jalecia is ready for help. Their strained relationship reveals that despite good intentions, no one can force others to accept their help; sometimes, the best way to help someone is to wait for them to realize they need it.

“Was I being too negative? Should I try to be more supportive? After all, even though I think moving to Vegas to become a blackjack dealer is ridiculous, she thinks she’s making progress. But I’m not buying this. I worry about her. I also don’t know who she is anymore. Or where in the world she’s headed. She’s scaring the hell out of me, that much I do know.”

Loretha’s concerns reflect fear about Jalecia’s immediate situation. She does not look deeper than Jalecia’s actions to understand why her daughter makes these choices. To help Jalecia, Loretha must learn that what someone does is not always the problem they are trying to resolve.

“I stomped my left foot and then my right one and then I jumped up and down because it just felt like too much death and pain and suffering was happening all around me, when something could’ve and should’ve been done to prevent it.”

All the novel’s characters struggle to embody Resilience in the Face of Personal Loss. Loretha, Korynthia, Sadie, and Lucky all face close losses, and while they learn to endure their grief, they realize that it never gets easier, no matter how often they experience it.

“I wanted to remember that that was the last time I saw my husband. I wanted to remember that it was the last time I’d been kissed. Hugged. I wanted to remember how he smelled. I also wanted to think about how I might spend the next year and maybe the rest of my life without longing for the past or worrying too much about my future.”

On the first anniversary of her husband’s passing, Loretha wants to spend her time alone reflecting on the year behind her and her life ahead. New Year’s Eve becomes the first step in Loretha's journey to challenge and change her Perceptions of Age and Health.

“Some emotions are hard to express, and maybe my daughter had to go through hell to get to higher ground. I just wish I knew what demon she was struggling with. But maybe she didn’t know yet either.”

As Loretha learns how to cope with loss and rely on the bonds that connect her to her family and friends, she understands that Jalecia may not know what help she needs. She does not like that she cannot help her daughter, but she becomes more willing to wait.

“When you live in a place like this, it’s not smart to get too close to folks. You don’t see someone at breakfast or dinner and you ask where they are and you find out they passed the day before. I’ve lost four friends since I’ve been here, so I’ve just decided to stop making them.”

Loretha’s mom, who previously embodied a strong belief that life doesn’t stop, wants to prevent herself from making friends because there are no guarantees when they die. Despite her age and vitality, Ma cannot avoid the inevitable truth that death comes for everyone eventually, and it hurts her to acknowledge this.

“I decided when I felt like I was in good enough shape not to pass out in the first ten minutes, I would walk into her class and strut my stuff.”

Loretha always waits for the next milestone. She embraces her friends’ and family’s flaws, and this is no exception. Despite her insistence that she and Odessa are drastically different, both sisters wait for the next opportunity. They always believe a pre-determined milestone will alter their lives; they do not pursue their goals because they want the end goal to come to them.

“But you huzzies are still very much alive and I am begging each of you to please please please give everything you’ve got to taking the best care possible of yourselves and of each other for the rest of your lives. It does not have to be all downhill from here.”

Poochie was the friend in the group who was most adamant that everyone should get regular check-ups and schedule all their doctors’ appointments well in advance. She represents the most impactful form of the theme of The Bonds Between Friends and Family because she hides her illness from them while pushing them to live like she can’t.

“Oh yes. But I got help. I’m not ashamed to admit it. It’s just like any other illness. Believe me, working for a doctor helped me understand the stigma. So many people suffer from it but just think it’s the way they are. I learned the hard way that it’s not.”

The receptionist’s comments about the difficulty of fighting depression mirror Loretha’s struggles with personal loss. She has seen so much suffering and accepts that pain is how everything must be. The receptionist reminds her that not everything has to be pain and suffering.

“You’ve got all the symptoms of a lonely old lady and you aren’t even old yet. You complain about everybody except yourself.”

Once again, Loretha portrays some of her friends' worst traits. Korynthia calls out Loretha’s penchant for complaining and being pessimistic about people’s lives and outlooks. Loretha has called Lucky out many times for the same behavior Loretha now presents.

“I’m tired of doing and saying hurtful things to you when inside I don’t really feel that way. I’m tired of not being a good mother and now grandmother, and I want to stop feeling hopeless and powerless and sad and angry when I shouldn’t.”

Jalecia expresses her internal conflict—her fear of not being a good family member. Until now, she did not have the language to express her challenges; now, she has learned to use new vocabulary and expressions to explain her situation and take steps to improve it.

“You were happy and I wasn’t. You had a husband who loved you and I didn’t. You had a child and I didn’t. You had a college degree and I didn’t. You were very successful and I wasn’t.”

Odessa and Loretha see themselves as opposites, representing two distinct ways of living. Odessa’s observation of why she never likes Loretha speaks to Odessa’s personal life struggles rather than necessarily being solely about Loretha.

“These dinners give me life. This is where we know it’s okay to feel what we feel and say it without worrying about being judged.”

The theme of The Bonds Between Friends and Family is crucial in Loretha and her friends' ability to cope with the difficult situations they encounter. They learn from each other, and because of their open honesty, everyone can grow together rather than struggling alone.

“I don’t have a whole lot of regrets because I’ve done what I wanted to do the way I wanted to do it. So, to answer your question, I don’t feel old. What I do feel is grateful to be alive and in relatively good health. Which is why I’m doing everything I can to slide into home so I leave gold dust behind me.”

Loretha surprises herself when she says this to Jalecia. She realizes how her mentality has shifted. She no longer accepts that life will be what it will be. Instead, she has embraced her need to make her life the way she wants to.