Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

This chapter lists Kaling’s detailed instructions for her funeral. Ex-boyfriends and significant others of ex-boyfriends are not allowed to attend. Her college a cappella group is prohibited from performing, as is anyone seeking to debut original music. Kaling instructs her guests to avoid phone calls or turning the funeral into a roast, insisting that the funeral maintain a somber atmosphere. At the end of the funeral, each person will receive a gift bag containing a framed photo of Kaling, an energy bar, a copy of one of her childhood drawings, and a letter from the president praising Kaling’s contributions to society.

This chapter, written by fellow writer on The Office and creator of Parks and Recreation Mike Schur, serves as a pre-death eulogy for Kaling. Schur describes Kaling’s sudden death at a Dubai Bloomingdale’s. Schur praises Kaling’s work ethic and confidence. In his closing, Schur considers Kaling’s afterlife:

I console myself by thinking, Well, I guess the angels just wanted her to shut up. I will miss her dearly, and I hope that she is up in heaven right now watching us and smiling, even though deep down I know that if there is an afterlife, she’s a pretty much open-and-shut case for hell.