In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts

Maté begins Chapter 29 by admitting that he did not fully overcome his own addictions while writing the book. He acknowledges that he may never overcome his impulses. Cycles of shame and secrecy follow his buying binges, and he continues to feel powerless over his addictions.

A woman Maté calls Clarissa is 31 and has had three children taken away by protective services. She hates herself and uses cocaine while pregnant, even though her own mother used drugs while Clarissa was in the womb. The fact that she is poisoning her own baby disgusts her. Her sexual abuse began when she was one year old, and by the time she was five her mother was dead.

Maté asks her if it would be different if she replaced her hatred with curiosity about why she is the way she is. He asks, “If your child had had the same experiences and ended up on drugs, would you accuse her so harshly?” (351). Clarissa cries and says that she would give her daughter tough love; she would not revile her the way she reviles herself. Maté understands, because he finds it hard not to judge himself when he is in an addictive spiral.