In My Time of Dying: How I Came Face to Face with the Idea of an Afterlife

“The existential charm of tree work is that your fate is entirely in your hands. The stakes are high—your life—but as with chess, there are no random events. All the information you need to survive is right in front of you, and if you don’t, it’s because you made a mistake. That is not true of driving or air travel or combat or even crossing the street on a walk light.”

This quote contrasts the controlled risk of tree work with the randomness of other life-threatening situations. Junger uses the metaphor of chess to illustrate the predictability and control in tree climbing, emphasizing the direct relationship between one’s actions and survival. This passage explores themes of agency, risk, and the human desire for control over fate, which are central to In My Time of Dying. The comparison of tree work to everyday activities underscores the unpredictability of death in most aspects of life.

“Everyone has a relationship with death whether they want one or not; refusing to think about death is its own kind of relationship. When we hear about another person’s death, we are hearing a version of our own death as well, and the pity we feel is rooted in the hope that that kind of thing—the car accident, the drowning, the cancer—could never happen to us. It’s an enormously helpful illusion.”

This quote delves into the universal human relationship with mortality. Junger asserts that even avoidance is a form of engagement with death, highlighting the inescapable nature of this relationship. The author employs empathy to explain how people process others’ deaths, suggesting that pity is a defense mechanism against acknowledging one’s mortality. The phrase “enormously helpful illusion” introduces the idea that denial of death serves a psychological purpose, a theme that Junger explores throughout the book.

“Dying is the most ordinary thing you will ever do but also the most radical. You will go from a living, conscious being to dust. Nothing in your life can possibly prepare you for such a transition. […] Death annihilates us so completely that we might as well have not lived, but without death, the life we did live would be meaningless because it would never end.”

This quote encapsulates the paradoxical nature of death as both commonplace and transformative. Junger uses contrasting ideas—ordinary and radical, living and dust—to emphasize the profound change that death represents. The author explores the theme of death’s finality and its role in giving meaning to life. The use of direct address (“you”) personalizes the universal experience of death for the reader. The paradox in the final sentence highlights a central theme of the book: that death, while destructive, is essential for life to have meaning.

“Because death is the ultimate consequence, it’s the ultimate reality that gives us meaning.”

This concise statement encapsulates a core philosophical idea in In My Time of Dying. Junger posits that death, as the final and most significant consequence of life, provides the context that gives life its meaning. The repetition of the word “ultimate” emphasizes the supreme importance of death in this perspective. This quote succinctly expresses the book’s exploration of how mortality shapes human understanding of life’s value and purpose.

“‘The rain wouldn’t do that if it saw how beautiful they were,’ Xana said. That’s the problem, I thought: we have no idea whether the universe even notices us, much less cares. Later, when I tried to understand why I ignored six months of abdominal pain, the only answer I could come up with was that I had fallen for an adult version of my daughter’s hopes.”

This quote juxtaposes the innocent perspective of a child with the harsh reality of an indifferent universe. Junger uses his daughter’s comment as a springboard to reflect on the human tendency to ascribe meaning and intention to random events. The contrast between Xana’s belief in a caring universe and Junger’s realization of cosmic indifference highlights a central theme of the book: the tension between human desires for significance and the apparent randomness of existence. The author’s admission of falling for an “adult version” of his daughter’s hopes suggests that even children cling to comforting illusions, potentially to their detriment.

“Later, Barbara told me that what I’d said had briefly upset her because it suggested an attitude about life where you’re constantly at risk of losing everything. But then she thought, If he’s right, I’ll wish that this was how we spent our last day together and agreed to take the rest of the afternoon off. None of this was normal: not the dream about dying, not the compulsion to clear the driveway, not the passing thought of mortality.”

Junger’s comment to his wife reveals an acute consciousness of life’s fragility. The author’s use of foreshadowing is evident in the list of “not normal” occurrences, building tension and hinting at the impending crisis. This passage illustrates how confronting mortality can lead to a reevaluation of priorities and a deeper appreciation for present moments, a recurring idea in In My Time of Dying.

“The pit was the purest black and so infinitely deep that it had no real depth at all. I was on the gurney, with Dr. Wilson upside down above my head and the other nurses and doctors seemingly all clustered on my right side. Meanwhile, there was nothing on my left side except the blackness that I was getting drawn into. It exerted a pull that was slow but unanswerable, and I knew that if I went into the hole, I was never coming back.”

This description of Junger’s near-death experience employs imagery to convey the sensation of being on the brink of death. The contrast between the medical team on his right and the void on his left symbolizes the struggle between life and death. The personification of the blackness as exerting a “pull” creates a sense of death as an active force. This passage exemplifies the book’s exploration of the boundary between life and death, and the author’s attempt to articulate the experience of approaching that threshold.

“If you pour a potful of boiling water into a cold bath, hot water molecules spread out until they are evenly distributed and have slightly raised the overall bath temperature. Time cannot go backward for the same reason that boiling water can’t re-form in one corner of a cold bath and the dead cannot return to life: random probability will never re-concentrate those molecules back into their original form.”

This quote uses a scientific analogy to explain the concept of entropy and its relationship to the irreversibility of death. By comparing the dispersion of heat to the finality of death, Junger bridges the gap between physics and existential concerns. This passage demonstrates the author’s ability to explain complex scientific concepts in accessible terms, while also reinforcing the book’s theme of grappling with mortality through both scientific and philosophical lenses.

“‘Matter is spirit reduced to the point of visibility—there is no matter,’ as Albert Einstein later put it.”

This quote, attributed to Einstein, encapsulates an idea at the intersection of physics and philosophy. By presenting matter as a manifestation of spirit, it challenges the traditional dichotomy between the physical and the metaphysical. In the context of In My Time of Dying, this concept serves to blur the lines between the material and the spiritual, potentially offering a bridge between scientific understanding and more ethereal experiences such as near-death phenomena. The inclusion of this quote demonstrates Junger’s effort to synthesize various perspectives on existence and consciousness throughout the book.

“Your pulse is your life, the ultimate proof you’re animate and have something rare to lose. Everything alive has some kind of flux and ebb, and when that stops, life stops. When people say life is precious, they are saying that the rhythmic force that runs through all things—your wrist, your children’s wrists, God’s entire green earth—is precious. For my whole life, my pulse ran through me with such quiet power that I never had to think about it. And now they were having trouble finding it.”

This quote explores the theme of life’s fragility. Junger uses the pulse as a metaphor for life itself, emphasizing its universality across all living things. The repetition of “pulse” and “precious” reinforces the central idea. The movement from the small and personal to the vast and impersonal (“your wrist, your children’s wrists, God’s entire green earth”) suggests that all things are connected, supporting Junger’s later claim that death is a merging rather than a severing. 

“You cannot visit a place of such violence and death and not expect it to follow you home, I thought; you cannot seek out another man’s suffering and not become part of it. One day it will paint your ceiling and fill your mind and hijack your dreams.”

This quote addresses the lasting impact of witnessing trauma and suffering. The personal tone (“I thought”) adds authenticity to the observation, and Junger uses imagery (“paint your ceiling,” “fill your mind,” “hijack your dreams”) to convey the all-encompassing nature of these experiences. The repetition of “you cannot” emphasizes the inevitability of being affected by such encounters. This quote reflects on the interconnectedness of human experiences and the psychological toll of confronting mortality and violence, themes that are woven throughout In My Time of Dying.

“If I gamble everything to find out what I don’t know, then I will always do that. If I turn back, I will always turn back. Is the unknown a place of mystery or terror? Am I sufficient unto myself or eternally indentured to my origins?”

This quote explores ideas of identity, choice, and the human relationship with the unknown. Junger presents a series of rhetorical questions that reflect on the nature of decision-making and its impact on character. The parallel structure in the first two sentences emphasizes the weight of choices. The juxtaposition of “mystery or terror” and “sufficient unto myself or eternally indentured” presents life’s fundamental dichotomies. This quote captures the existential questioning that often accompanies near-death experiences, a central theme of the book.

“My worst fear—other than dying—was that because I’d come so close to death, it would now accompany me everywhere like some ghastly pet. Or, more accurately, I was now the pet, and my new master was standing mutely with the lead watching me run out the clock.”

This quote uses a metaphor to express the fear of being haunted by a near-death experience. The image of death as a “ghastly pet” and then the reversal of roles—the author becoming the pet, and death becoming the master—creates a powerful visual representation of the psychological impact of confronting mortality. The phrase “run out the clock” emphasizes Junger’s newfound awareness of life’s finite nature. This quote reflects the book’s exploration of how a brush with death can fundamentally alter one’s perception of life.

“Every object is a miracle compared to nothingness and every moment an infinity when correctly understood to be all we’ll ever get. Religion does its best to impart this through a lifetime of devotion, but one good look at death might be all you need.”

This quote encapsulates a key theme of the book: how confronting death can lead to a deeper appreciation of life. Junger uses hyperbole (“every object is a miracle,” “every moment an infinity”) to emphasize the profound shift in perspective. The comparison between religion’s lifelong effort and the immediate impact of a near-death experience suggests the power of a direct confrontation with mortality. The quote’s philosophical tone reflects the book’s engagement with existential questions, while its concise, almost aphoristic style aims to give it a memorable impact.

“The price of getting to love somebody is having to lose them, I wrote. The price of getting to live is having to die.”

This quote encapsulates a central theme of In My Time of Dying: the inherent connections between love and loss, life and death. Junger uses a parallel structure to emphasize the universal nature of this truth. The repetition of “the price” underscores the idea that both love and life come at a cost. This paradoxical statement highlights the bittersweet nature of human existence, suggesting that the beauty of life and love is inextricably linked to their impermanence.

“Finding yourself alive after almost dying is not, as it turns out, the kind of party one might expect. You realize that you weren’t returned to life, you were just introduced to death.”

This quote explores the psychological aftermath of a near-death experience. Junger subverts the expectation that surviving death would be purely joyful, instead presenting it as a sobering introduction to mortality. The use of “party” creates an ironic contrast with the actual experience. The second sentence employs antithesis to highlight the shift in perspective: Rather than a return to life, it’s framed as an introduction to death. This paradoxical view underscores the profound impact of confronting mortality.

“The arbitrariness of death would seem to mean life has very little value unless you flip the equation upside down and realize that any existence with guarantees can be taken for granted far too easily. In a sense, modern society has the worst of both: lives that can end in a moment because that has always been true, but the illusion of guaranteed continuity.”

This quote grapples with the tension between life’s fragility and its value. Junger presents a counterintuitive idea: that the arbitrary nature of death enhances life’s value rather than diminishing it. He then critiques modern society for fostering a false sense of security while retaining life’s inherent uncertainty. This paradox is central to the book’s exploration of how confronting mortality affects one’s appreciation of life.

“A week after I came home, I found myself sitting at a window looking at a crab apple tree in the backyard. The branches were waving in the wind, and I had the thought that they’d be waving in exactly the same way if I’d died, only I wouldn’t be here to see them. The moment would be utterly beyond my reach. Eventually Barbara asked if I felt lucky or unlucky to have almost died and I didn’t know how to answer. Was I blessed by special knowledge or cursed by it? Would I ever function normally again?”

This passage illustrates Junger’s heightened awareness of life’s transience following his near-death experience. The image of the waving branches serves as a reminder of the world’s indifference to individual mortality. The series of questions at the end reflects the author’s internal struggle to reconcile his newfound perspective, highlighting the complex psychological impact of confronting death.

“If the ultimate proof of God is existence itself—which many claim to be the case—then a true state of grace may mean dwelling so fully and completely in her present moment that you are still reading your books and singing your songs when the guards come for you at dawn. The past and the future have no tangible reality in our universe; God’s creation exists moment by moment or not at all, and our only chance at immortality might lie in experiencing each of those moments as the stunning extravagance they actually are.”

This quote explores the intersection of spirituality and mindfulness. Junger posits that true grace lies in fully embracing the present moment, even in the face of impending death. The imagery of “reading your books and singing your songs when the guards come for you at dawn” emphasizes the power of this mindset. By framing existence as moment-to-moment, Junger suggests a form of immortality through intense presence, linking the book’s themes of mortality and the nature of consciousness.

“It was hard not to wonder what my father would make of all this. Would he propose some kind of cosmic theory to explain how he came to be floating above me in the trauma bay, or would he write the whole thing off to neurochemicals and wishful thinking? The idea that physical existence has no other enduring dimension might one day seem as incomprehensible as the earth being flat or could wind up being the most fundamental of all the physical laws that we understand.”

This quote highlights the tension between scientific skepticism and the inexplicable nature of near-death experiences. By imagining his father’s potential reactions, Junger presents contrasting perspectives on NDEs: a cosmic, spiritual interpretation versus a purely neurochemical explanation. The final sentence acknowledges the uncertainty surrounding these experiences, suggesting that current understanding of physical existence may be limited. This reflects the book’s overall approach of balancing scientific inquiry with openness to unexplained phenomena.

“The overwhelming likelihood is that our sense of another reality is just a comforting illusion that helps us live our lives. But what appears to be likely or unlikely is a terrible strategy for finding out what is true. Our understanding of reality might be as limited as a dog’s understanding of television.”

This quote encapsulates a central idea of In My Time of Dying: the limitations of human perception and understanding. Junger challenges the reader to question their assumptions about reality, using the analogy of a dog’s limited comprehension of television to illustrate how humans might be missing crucial aspects of existence. The author employs a paradoxical approach, first acknowledging the “overwhelming likelihood” of a materialist view, then immediately undermining it. This rhetorical strategy encourages readers to remain open to possibilities beyond conventional understanding, a key idea throughout the book.

“There are more than thirty such parameters that must have almost the precise values that they do in order to permit a universe with life. The odds of that happening have been calculated to be ten to the negative 230—that is to say, one chance in a number that has 229 zeros after it. Randomly finding a specific grain of sand on the first try among all the grains on earth would be millions of millions of times more likely than the universe existing. And yet here we are.”

In this quote, Junger employs statistical reasoning to highlight the improbability of the universe’s existence. By comparing the likelihood of the universe to an impossibly rare event (finding a specific grain of sand), the author emphasizes the extraordinary nature of existence itself. The phrase “And yet here we are” serves as a reminder of the mystery at the heart of reality. This passage reflects the book’s theme of grappling with the inexplicable nature of existence and consciousness, encouraging readers to consider possibilities beyond conventional scientific explanations.

“We assume that life is the most real thing we will ever experience, but it might turn out to be the least real, the least meaningful. The idea that you will appreciate life more after almost dying is a cheap bit of wisdom easily asserted by people who have never been near death. When you drill down into it—which you must—we are really talking about an appreciation of death rather than of life.”

This quote challenges common assumptions about life, death, and near-death experiences. Junger subverts the popular notion that brushes with death enhance one’s appreciation for life, instead suggesting that such experiences may reveal life’s illusory nature. The author’s tone is critical and introspective, reflecting his personal journey through a near-death experience. This passage embodies the book’s theme of questioning conventional wisdom about life and death, and hints at the possibility that death might offer insights into the nature of reality that cannot be found in life.