I'll Have What She's Having

I’ll Have What She’s Having is a memoir by American author and comedian Chelsea Handler. Originally published in 2025, the title combines autobiographical elements from Handler’s life with self-help lessons for readers. The text is organized into a series of mini essays or vignettes and primarily written from Handler’s first-person point of view. Handler marries her iconic wit with striking self-reflection to explore themes including Finding Joy and Fulfillment in Personal Relationships, the Pursuit of Authenticity and Personal Growth, and the Journey Toward Independence and Self-Empowerment.

This guide refers to the 2025 The Dial Press hardback edition of the memoir.

Content Warning: Both the source text and this guide include sexual violence, cursing, sexual content, references to drug use, alcohol consumption, addiction, and themes of mental health, child abandonment, and parental neglect.

Summary

I’ll Have What She’s Having is divided into 49 titled essays or vignettes. These chapters are organized along a chronological timeline and detail events from Handler’s childhood through the present day. After sharing each personal anecdote, Handler incorporates reflections on her experiences. The following summary offers a streamlined description of these mini essays.

When Handler was a little girl, she dreamed of becoming a strong woman. She wanted to be courageous, smart, and outspoken. She endeavored to be this person no matter what. When she was 10 and 15 years old, she started a lemonade stand and saved money to buy her own first-class plane ticket. She thought this was the rich and daring person she would be.

At 19, Handler drove from her New Jersey hometown to Los Angeles, California, to pursue a career in comedy. She had many difficult jobs as she tried establishing herself. In retrospect, she faced a lot of challenges but she knows that she succeeded because she never stopped believing in herself.

As Handler’s career took off, she stopped taking care of herself as well. One night years later, Jane Fonda—a mentor, elder, and friend—confronted her about her recent behavior. Handler admitted she had just started therapy and wanted to change. Handler reflects on this conversation with Jane and how impactful it was for her. She is so grateful that Jane was honest with her because she needed her love and support.

Handler worked with her therapist, Dan, for two years. She began to grow during this time. Soon she realized she was ready to apply Dan’s lessons to her life on her own. She ended their regular sessions and spent a bout of time being by herself. Her alone time coincided with the start of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown. She was glad for the mandated solo time but soon her sister Simone and her three kids came to stay with her. Handler feared her frustration with her family was upsetting her personal growth. In retrospect, she is grateful for this time because she was learning to balance life’s challenges with her therapy lessons.

Handler bought a house in Whistler, Canada, that winter. She moved into the chalet and spent the next months perfecting her skiing skills. She was so glad for this time. She got to be outside, read, and meditate. She felt herself growing. In retrospect, she identifies this period as formative to her personal evolution.

Handler also reflects on her close connections with her now ex-boyfriend’s three daughters. When she and the boyfriend were together, she formed an immediate bond with his girls, whom she refers to as Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie. Their parents were not only divorced, but constantly absorbed in their work. Handler quickly became a de facto parent to them. Even after she and her boyfriend split up, she remained in the girls’ lives. She considers how important these connections have been for her. She has chosen not to have children of her own, but being child-free has given her the time, energy, and love to devote to others like Poopsie, Whoopsie, and Oopsie.

Shortly thereafter, Handler fell in love with Jo Koy. She was open about her affection for him on social media but was privately crushed when they broke up. She doesn’t share the details of their breakup on the page, but admits that she chose to put herself before this relationship. It took her some time to recover from their split. However, she’s thankful for this time too—she was learning to acknowledge her pain and move beyond it.

Sometime thereafter, Handler traveled overseas to London. She had a brief affair with an acquaintance while there. She enjoyed the relationship because it felt fun and easy. Then the lover revealed that he wasn’t formally divorced and his wife wouldn’t let him see his kids. Again, Chelsea ended the relationship to care for herself. She’s glad for this experience in retrospect, because it reminded her to value her needs.

The day after breaking up with the lover, Handler ran into Poopsie on a London street. They spent the next two weeks together. Handler noticed Poopsie seemed down and devoted her energy to lifting her up. She brought Poopsie on a family trip to her house in Mallorca, convinced her nieces would encourage Poopsie too.

Handler reflects on how important her Mallorca house is to her. Her business managers advised her against purchasing the property but she’s never regretted it. Whenever she is there with family and friends, the place changes someone. She is so thankful for this inspiring getaway and for her ability to share it with her loved ones.

Not long after returning to the United States, Handler invited Whoopsie and Oopsie to spend their spring break with her in Whistler. She was thrilled to reconnect with them, but also noticed that Whoopsie still needed guidance. She took her on a trip to Washington, D.C., sometime thereafter. She showed Whoopsie the city and brought her on a college tour. When she returned to Whistler, she spent time alone reflecting on all of her beautiful and unexpected relationships.

Handler returned to LA early from Whistler to attend one of Jane Fonda’s charity events. After the event, Jane thanked Handler for her support and commended her for how much she’d grown. In reflection, Handler considers how much has changed in recent years.

Handler writes a letter to herself and the woman she’s become. She lists everything she’s accomplished and all the internal progress she’s made. She encourages her reader to do the same—to care for and love herself first.