If Only I Had Told Her

If Only I Had Told Her by Laura Nowlin was released on February 6, 2024. It is a contemporary young adult romantic tragedy that can also be categorized as teen and young adult friendship fiction. Nowlin’s novels focus on romance but also on processing sudden loss and maturing into adulthood. If Only I Had Told Her is a companion to her 2013 novel, If He Had Been with Me, which focuses on the same characters, Autumn and Finn, but from Autumn’s perspective rather than Finn’s. Nowlin is a New York Times and USA Times best-selling author and a librarian with a bachelor’s degree in English. She lives in St. Louis, Missouri, where both If He Had Been with Me and If Only I Had Told Her are set.

This guide uses the print edition of the novel published by Sourcebooks in 2024.

Content Warning: This guide includes discussions of teen pregnancy, suicide, depression, and sexual abuse.

Plot Summary

If Only I Had Told Her explores the events surrounding the death of a teenage boy, Finn Smith, including the impact his life and death have on those closest to him. The novel is separated into three parts, each of which has a different first-person narrator. The first narrator is Finn, the second narrator is Finn’s best friend, Jack Murphy, and the final narrator is Autumn Davis, Finn’s longtime friend and love interest.

Finn’s section spans only a few days as he enjoys the summer after his senior year of high school with Jack and Autumn. Autumn and Finn were once best friends, but sometime in middle school their friendship faded. However, they have recently been spending more time together; Autumn has broken up with her boyfriend, and Finn’s girlfriend, Sylvie, is in Europe for the summer. Finn realizes that he can no longer pretend to love Sylvie as much as he loves Autumn, so he decides to break up with Sylvie when she returns from Europe. He does this with the understanding that he and Autumn will remain friends. However, when Autumn allows him to read her novel, he notices similarities between them and the couple she has written about. He confronts her, and they finally have an honest conversation about their feelings that leads to unprotected sex. Finn leaves soon after, determined to break up with Sylvie so that he can be with Autumn. Sylvie and he argue while Finn drives through the rain, leading to a car accident that kills Finn.

Part 2 begins with Jack learning of Finn’s death. Jack is destroyed by the loss of his best friend, for which he blames first Sylvie and then Autumn. Jack goes to college as planned but is haunted by the knowledge that Finn should have been there with him. He therefore avoids social interaction with other students, but when he finally opens up to his roommate, Brett, they bond over their shared experiences of loss. When Jack learns from Sylvie that Autumn has attempted to die by suicide, he visits Autumn in the hospital, bringing with him Finn’s last gift for her—a bag of her favorite candy. Jack forgives and reconciles with Autumn, who tells him that she is pregnant.

Part 3 explores Autumn’s mental health as she deals with Finn’s loss and her new pregnancy. Both Autumn and Finn’s mothers try to engage Autumn in thoughts of the future, taking her shopping for baby clothes and driving her to therapy appointments. Autumn slowly figures out the type of adult and mother that she wants to be, aided by Angie, another teen mother. Although initially surprised to learn that Finn’s absentee father has been paying for her baby-related purchases, Autumn eventually connects with him, and together they decide to create a memory book to teach her baby about Finn. Autumn eventually learns that the baby has a hole in her heart, although the doctors cannot say whether this will lead to medical problems. However, Autumn meets this uncertainty with composure thanks to the support network she has built for her and her baby.