I Will Save You

Devon visits with a gun and even though Kidd knows it is a bad idea, he follows him. As they walk, Devon rants about how people with privilege and money try to control everything. When Kidd insists that some are nice, Devon agrees but says that sometimes innocent people need to be sacrificed in a revolution. Devon finally reveals the point of their excursion: to teach those college boys a lesson about respect. Panicking, Kidd says his therapist encouraged him to make good decisions. Devon fires back that the therapist is one of the privileged rich who manipulates kids like them.

Gun aimed, Devon runs at the group, shouting that they messed with the wrong people. Unphased by apologetic pleas, Devon rants about their privilege. He cocks the gun at one guy’s head, laughing wildly. Ignoring Kidd’s appeal to leave, Devon deems their lives meaningless. He and Kidd already know the world thinks nothing of them. Taking a knife out of his pocket, he stabs himself in the shoulder. With blood gushing down his arm, Devon proclaims the boys will learn that they are nothing too. After threatening them again, they run, Devon still laughing.

Near the campsite, Devon abruptly goes quiet, putting the gun to his head. Kidd tries unsuccessfully to dissuade Devon from pulling the trigger. When Kidd tries to kick the gun away, Devon slashes at Kidd’s shoulder, drawing blood. Devon commands Kidd to watch, but when he pulls the trigger, the gun only emits a puff of smoke. Devon cackles and tosses the fake gun to Kidd, who throws it into the ocean and worries that they will both wind up dead.

Red and Kidd start repairs on the cliff fence but have not been given enough supplies to replace the entire thing. When Kidd learns that the police have been asking about someone with a gun, he silently vows to avoid Devon. On the second day of repairs, Kidd and Red finish early. Red comments about the stretch of old fence, saying the “‘only thing standing between some kid and falling forty feet down the cliff is whether or not he’s stupid enough to test it’” (144).

The next day, Red drives him and Kidd to the San Diego Zoo. When they pull in, Red remarks that Kidd’s future is bright and that is why they are here. Red introduces Kidd to Jessica, a zookeeper. After taking them behind the scenes, she suggests a summer internship at the zoo. This initially excites Kidd. Then his mood darkens because he worries that he is not good enough for the job.

Later, despite riptide warnings, Devon’s voice draws Kidd into the ocean. Devon calls him pathetic and rotten. Kidd whispers that he hates himself as he plunges deeper, and thinks he does not deserve Red’s encouragement. As the current sweeps Kidd off his feet, Devon says that Kidd’s mother killed herself to be free from him and insists that both Olivia and Red will leave Kidd too. Devon pushes Kidd’s head underwater. Each time Kidd comes up for air, Devon shoves him down again, insisting that they kill the person Kidd is pretending to be. Eventually, Kidd gives up, and feels Devon swim away. He lets the current drag him under and takes a mouthful of water. Then he fights for survival. A lifeguard rescues him. Kidd wishes the bad part of him were gone. This is the first time Devon has hurt him.

Kidd believes in fate because of his mother’s letter. Although it is hard, Kidd acknowledges the importance of remembering the day she died by suicide.

When the police and social worker escorted him home, he found an envelope from his mom. He could not open it and was still unaware of its contents when he arrived at Horizons. Fear kicked in when he realized that once he read the letter, there would be nothing left from his mother. Then a kid named Devon barged into his room.

Kidd stays in his tent for two days after nearly drowning. When he goes to work, Red chatters about the incident until Kidd asks him to stop. Later, Red expresses relief that Kidd is okay. Moved by Red’s concern, Kidd is unable to speak. Every evening Devon shows up ranting about how they must stick together. Peanut growls, and Kidd remains silent.

When Olivia stops by, Kidd cannot move and explains that something is wrong with him. Olivia tells him that “‘the worst scars aren’t even physical. They’re emotional or psychological’” (170). When he asks about her ski cap, Olivia makes Kidd promise not to talk about their scars yet. Kidd fears that she could wound him but considers it worth it, and walks with her.

As they stroll, Olivia fixates on a story about a couple that is the perfect match. To test this belief, the couple separates, thinking that they will find each other again. However, in their time apart, both lose their memories. Years later, they pass each other on the street, and although they both feel something, they walk away. Olivia thinks it is genius that they never let their love become ordinary, but Kidd thinks it is sad, for he silently craves an ordinary life. He and Olivia arrive at Moonlight Music, where Kidd learns that Olivia is an exceptional piano player. In a practice room, she instructs Kidd to face the other way and listen while she plays a song about him. As Olivia sings, Kidd daydreams. Just before she finishes, he imagines marrying her.

Abruptly, the narrative shifts back to Kidd’s memory of meeting Devon for the first time. After barging in, Devon declares that only “messed-up kids” come to Horizons. Grabbing the letter from Kidd’s mom, he reads it aloud. In the letter, his mom explains how she loved his dad once. He began to beat her because he was a victim of abuse as a child. She kicked him out, called the police, got a restraining order, and moved, but he always returned. In the hospital, she resolved to change their lives. Kidd’s safety was most important, so she vowed to deal with his father one final time. She asked for forgiveness and begged him to be better than his dad.

Shocked, Devon articulates what the letter does not say outright: She killed Kidd’s father.

Since then, Kidd has memorized the letter. Without Devon, Kidd would not know the magnitude of his mother’s love or his potential to be evil. He vows to become someone new.