I Am Watching You

Content Warning: This section of the guide contains references to child sexual abuse and suicide.

“I thought they were nice girls, you see.”

Ella traces her decision to stay out of Anna and Sarah’s trip to the moment when she hears Sarah having sex in the train toilet. At this point, her subconscious decides that the girls can take care of themselves, being worldly-wise. Ella’s action shows the extent to which even a rational woman like her has internalized problematic attitudes about women’s sexuality. At the same time, the honesty of Ella’s admission shows she is a self-aware character.

“I read somewhere that by your forties you are supposed to care more about what you think of others than what they think of you—so why is it I am still waiting for this to kick in?”

Ella’s narration portrays her as hyperaware of her own flaws and contradictions, which makes her a sympathetic character. Here, she pokes fun at her own propensity of caring too much about what the world thinks of her. Ella’s statement also punctures the assumption that adults grow a thick skin by a certain age.

“And so, I did the sensible thing. I put the phone back down, I turned out the light, and I went to sleep.”

This quote by Ella illustrates the text’s key theme of The Unintended Consequences of Everyday Decisions. Ella makes the simple decision of not calling up Anna and Sarah’s parents, since she feels she may be calling them more out of anger and concern. Little does she know that by not making the call, she is subjecting herself to a nightmare of guilt. The text also invites the reader to consider what would have happened had Ella made the call.