How We Learn to Be Brave: Decisive Moments in Life and Faith

How We Learn to Be Brave: Decisive Moments in Life and Faith is a 2023 nonfiction book by Episcopal Bishop Mariann Edgar Budde that blends together spiritual, historical, and personal writing to examine decisive moments in life while guiding readers toward becoming their most courageous selves. Budde is the author of three books, including 2009’s Gathering Up the Fragments: Preaching as Spiritual Practice and 2019’s Receiving Jesus: The Way of Love. Budde is the first female bishop of the diocese of Washington, which covers all of Washington, DC, and nearby counties of Maryland, comprising 86 congregations and 10 schools. In How We Learn to Be Brave, Budde explores themes of Bravery as a Historical Throughline, The Courage to Accept What Cannot Be Controlled, and The Impact of Leadership in Cultivating Change. In each section of the book, Budde shares personal stories entwined with historical and biblical examples of courage that support the intellectual and spiritual arguments she constructs.

This guide refers to the 2023 Penguin Publishing Group Kindle e-book edition. 

Content Warning: The source material and guide feature depictions of death, death by suicide, illness, racism, antigay bias, and addiction.

Summary

How We Learn to Be Brave explores aspects of bravery through the lens of decisive or pivotal moments in people’s lives. Budde bookends the text with discussion of Donald Trump’s use of St. John’s Church—an Episcopal church in Washington, DC, that has been attended by every sitting president—as a backdrop for his political condemnation of the Black Lives Matter protesters who sought justice for the murder of George Floyd, an incident that she introduces in the Preface. Budde vocally opposed Trump’s use of the church for his own political gains, and her critique of Trump brought her a moment of intense spotlight, both from within her faith community and from the wider world. Budde describes this as a decisive moment in her life, which she uses to segue into a broader discussion of the bravery required by these decisive moments. The Introduction explains Budde’s desire to help her readers inculcate bravery throughout the key moments of their life, both private and public, offering examples of her own journey toward courage to help guide them.

Budde discusses the call to go, which she herself first experienced when she left Colorado as a teenager to return to live with her mother in New Jersey. It was a difficult decision but one that she felt called to make. She then pivots to the historical example of pastor Howard Thurman and the biblical example of Abraham and Sarah, illustrating how the call to go can be both personal and private or monumental and public; neither type of call is inconsequential. Budde frames the call to go through the lens of the hero’s journey, a narrative structure in which a character is called to go forth on a journey and is meaningfully changed by the aforementioned journey.

Budde examines the call to stay, which can be as brave and complex as the call to go. Budde’s personal example regarding the call to stay centers on her experience being passed over for a promotion to bishop during her time as a pastor in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Though Budde did not expect to obtain the promotion, she was crushed by the decision. Though she felt tempted to leave, she decided to stay, as she felt called to transform her role to improve her faith community. Budde pivots to other examples of people heeding the call to stay, namely Dr. Kelly Brown Douglas, a Black Episcopal priest who decided to stay in the Episcopal diocese despite its history of racism, and Eleanor Roosevelt, who stayed married to Franklin Delano Roosevelt despite his infidelities. Both women had transformative impacts on their communities and relationships because of their willingness to heed the call to stay.

Budde explores the importance of heeding the call to start. The first example she provides is that of Jesus, who knew that he needed to travel to Jerusalem and sacrifice himself to save humanity. Though he knew that his death was imminent, he kept teaching his disciples anyway. Budde heeded her own call to start when she returned to school to obtain her doctorate and entered into a leadership role that allowed her to guide others toward their own journeys to start. She encourages her readers to pay attention not just to the outcome but to the journey. She finishes the chapter with two key historical examples of people who listened to the call to start: Thurgood Marshall and Dr. Pauli Murray, two key figures in the civil rights movement who underwent arduous journeys to take important steps forward.

Budde explains the importance of accepting the things that one does not choose and cannot change. She begins with a deeply personal example of her sister, Christine, coping with the terminal cancer of her husband and accepting his fate before moving onto the biblical example of the apostle Paul, who viewed the acceptance of suffering as a key aspect of his journey with Jesus. Budde then offers a historical analysis of Martin Luther King, Jr., who engaged in the act of redemptive suffering when he sacrificed himself and his safety for the cause of the civil rights movement, something Budde admires and finds inspiring. He accepted the risks that came with his mission, like Jesus, and Budde acknowledges that acceptance is one of the most challenging things a person can do.

Budde explores the importance of stepping up to the plate, which often happens instinctually: Faced with a crisis, people often do what needs to be done without stopping to fear the negative consequences they may face. Budde offers key examples of stepping up to the plate from her own life, the Bible, and history. Budde stepped up to the plate during the COVID-19 pandemic. The prophets Jeremiah and Isaiah, Simon Peter, and Jesus stepped up to the plate, as described in the Bible. Seminarian Jonathan Daniels stepped up to the plate during the civil rights movement, even though it cost him his life. Bishop Michael Curry stepped up to lead the Episcopal Church. She also offers explanations of the different types of stepping up, including stepping up in moments of confidence, in moments of doubt, and in moments of contradiction. No matter how someone steps up, Budde asserts, God is there to fill in the gaps.

However, God does not always fill in all the gaps, and Budde examines the inevitable letdown that comes after a decisive moment or with failure. Budde leans into the vulnerability of personal narrative, offering an example of when she failed her congregation by airing a sermon from a religious leader who had previously made antigay remarks. Though Budde apologized, she still felt the sting of letdown. She offers other examples of letdowns and moments of self-doubt in order to explain the inevitability of such feelings, which have a place in faith since it has its own ups and downs, something that St. Ignatius called spiritual consolation and spiritual desolation. Regardless, faith requires perseverance.

Budde dives deeply into the notion of perseverance, which she defines not solely as the will to continue when things are challenging but also as a willingness to learn and develop the skills necessary to succeed. Budde provides examples of perseverance from the field of sociology before returning to the Bible and explaining the importance of perseverance through prayer. She finishes the chapter with a reminder of the necessity of faithful perseverance in people’s journey in faith.

In the Epilogue, Budde circles back to the pivotal moment of her critique of Trump and the bravery that it required. She implores her readers to continue cultivating bravery, to work collaboratively through faith to make the world a better place, and to continue learning and persevering.