How to Win Friends and Influence People

When criticism is necessary, it should be prefaced with compliments. This softens the blow of the critique that follows.

In 1863, during the US Civil War, Union General Joseph Hooker openly criticized his superior officers and the president. Lincoln wrote to him, beginning with praise for his courage, confidence, and ambition. He then warned the general that his mutinous talk was doing damage to the troops’ morale. Lincoln ended with encouragement: “with energy and sleepless vigilance go forward and give us victories” (196).

An office building under construction faced delays from a supplier; the delays would make completion late, and heavy financial penalties would accrue. The contractor met with the supplier and complimented him on his factory. The supplier gave him a tour, and the contractor told him how impressed he was. Finally, the supplier thanked him for his courtesy and assured him that other projects would be set aside, and the supplies would arrive on time. The contractor got what he needed without even broaching the topic.

The first principle of leadership is: “Begin with praise and honest appreciation” (198).