How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen

Brooks explores the importance of understanding and sharing life stories. Drawing on the work of psychologists like Dan McAdams and Nicholas Epley, Brooks emphasizes the value of allowing people to narrate their life experiences. McAdams’ research involves inviting individuals to share their life stories, which reveals that many people are eager to be heard and understood. Epley’s experiments demonstrate that people often underestimate the joy and connection that can come from engaging in conversations and emphasizes the need for increased social interaction. Brooks advocates for breaking the cultural barriers that hinder people from asking about each other’s life stories, and attributes this reluctance to busyness and social anxiety.

Brooks personally reflects on his experiences by sharing an anecdote of a plane journey where he engaged in conversation with an elderly gentleman, discovering the twists and turns of his life. He draws attention to the different modes of thinking proposed by psychologist Jerome Bruner, such as paradigmatic thinking, which is analytical and argumentative, and narrative thinking, which focuses on understanding the individual. Brooks contends that society is paradigmatic rich and narrative poor, which is exemplified by political talk shows that avoid personal stories in favor of scripted debates.