How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing

“The world got very small. Very fast. Days rolled into each other in a sleepless strand of breastfeeding difficulties, toddler meltdowns, and, soon, depression. Numb and overwhelmed by the isolation, I watched my house crumble around me.”

Davis here recounts her overwhelming and isolating experience of early motherhood compounded by the pandemic. She describes a rapid descent into depression as days blur together in a relentless cycle of childcare challenges. This imagery of her house “crumbling” symbolizes the chaos and loss of control she feels, which sets the tone for her book’s exploration of compassionate, realistic strategies for managing household tasks while Combating Stigma Associated with Household Management and Mental Health.

“Care tasks are morally neutral. Being good or bad at them has nothing to do with being a good person, parent, man, woman, spouse, friend. Literally nothing. You are not a failure because you can’t keep up with laundry. Laundry is morally neutral.”

Davis argues that care tasks, such as laundry, are morally neutral and not indicative of a person’s worth or character. She challenges societal norms that equate cleanliness with morality, asserting that one’s ability to manage household chores has no bearing on their value as a person. This perspective aims to alleviate the shame and guilt often associated with domestic responsibilities, and to promote Fostering Self-Compassion in Care Practices.

“Mess has no inherent meaning. When you look at the pile of dishes in the sink and think, ‘I’m such a failure,’ that message did not originate from the dishes. Dishes don’t think. Dishes don’t judge. Dishes cannot make meaning—only people can.”

Davis argues that messes, such as a pile of dishes, are inherently meaningless and that the negative judgments we associate with them are self-imposed. She highlights how these judgments stem from internalized societal pressures rather than the objects themselves. By personifying dishes as incapable of thought or judgment, Davis underscores the irrationality of linking self-worth to domestic cleanliness, encouraging a shift toward self-compassion and away from unnecessary self-criticism.