How to Be Both

The impact of grief is a major focus of the novel, as protagonists have their identity and outlook affected by the losses they suffer. George is introduced in the aftermath of her mother’s sudden death, and much of her character development through the novel revolves around her coming to terms with the loss and relearning how to connect with people around her. Francescho, on the other hand, suffers from the existential grief of having lost his own life, though with the blow softened by his faded memories and the distraction of a “purgatorium” observing George. He also recalls impactful losses throughout his own life, such as the death of his parents.

As a young girl, Francescho suffered terrible grief after her mother’s death, as evidenced by her determination to wear her oversized clothes. Her father was determined to honor his wife’s wishes and get Francescho a proper education, and he thus convinced Francescho to abandon her female identity and live as a man to do so. As such, Grief lies at the root of the adult Francescho’s gender identity and his career success.

After the death of his father, Francescho reportedly had trouble sleeping, and the artwork that is so closely tied to his sense of self became “bitter” and “unfamiliar” to him.