Homeseeking

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of death, death by suicide, and suicidal ideation.

“For years afterward, he will riffle through his memories of this place he considers home, layering them on top of one another like stacks of rice paper, trying to remember what was when and never quite seeing the full picture.”

This quote from Haiwen’s perspective describes how he continues The Search for Belonging and Home through memory. It alludes to the way that one can never figuratively go home again, even in memory. Like rice paper, the memories become opaque over time.

“His and Linyee’s marriage had not been perfect by any means; it had survived their different backgrounds, her father’s disapproval, his gambling problem, immigration to a foreign country, financial uncertainty, and more. There’d been moments when he wasn’t even sure he still loved her. Yet, by the end, they were bound by their history, by the pain and laughter that could never be understood by anybody else.”

Haiwen’s marriage to Linyee is not perfect, but he remains committed to her despite its flaws. This quote illustrates the complex nature of marriage. After she dies, she becomes part of the complex of relationships and places he thinks of as the home to which he longs to return.

“We must always be brave and meet what scares us head-on, even if it is hard. But still, you must not forget who you are. You must always remain proud.”

This advice from Suchi’s father is an example of foreshadowing what Suchi will have to do to maintain her sense of self after she leaves Shanghai. Part of “not forget[ting] who you are” is cultural, as shown when Suchi makes Shanghainese dishes for Haiwen for New Year’s. It is also personal, as when Suchi later reconnects with her childhood bravery to leave her husband and reaffirm her independence.