History is All You Left Me

Content Warning: This section of the study guide contains mentions of death, grief, and violence.

“Now you can see me, wherever you are. I know you’re there, and I know you’re watching me, tuned in to my life to piece everything together yourself. It’s not just the shameful things I’ve done that are driving me crazy, Theo. It’s because I know I’m not done yet.”

In this quote, Griffin Jennings sets up the narrative structure for all of the odd-numbered “Today” chapters as he expresses his belief that Theo McIntire is listening to his internal monologue and watching his every move. This quote also foreshadows the shameful secret that Griffin reveals in the final chapters and shows the guilt Griffin feels for his recent actions relative to Theo’s death.

“Three is a number I’ve forgiven since yesterday, but only for our squad. It hopefully won’t bother me as much now that Theo and I are together, like our personal unit will count as ‘one,’ though I probably shouldn’t mention that to Wade.”

This quote shows how Griffin uses logic to work with his compulsions as they impact his life. His affinity for even numbers is so strong that he creates a new way to classify his friend trio, so it feels better. This quote relates to the theme of Needing Control Versus Accepting Help, as Griffin finds ways to be in control of his compulsions.

“But I want to know if they have busted out laughing so hard their rib cage hurt. I haven’t. I’m not mad at any of them if they have. It sucks because I know I’ll be alone in my grief for a while. I just want to know when it’s possible to laugh again. And when it’ll be okay.”

In this quote, Griffin speculates about the levels of grief experienced by the other people at Theo’s funeral. He feels he’s grieving more than them because of how much he loved Theo. Griffin’s statement that he’s alone in his grief foreshadows his connection with Jackson Wright later in the novel. This quote relates to the theme of