Heartbeat

“and it seems as if / he is evaporating / or shrinking / disappearing— / little pieces vanishing each day / while the alien baby / grows bigger and bigger / multiplying cells…”

After Annie’s grandpa comments that he should die to make room for the new baby, Annie feels frightened by his health’s rapid decline. In imagining his life ending, she directly connects it to the new life beginning, as if the two progressions feed each other.

“Am I supposed to do something / important? / It doesn’t seem enough / to merely take up space / on this planet / in this country / in this state / in this town / in this family.”

In reflecting on what she would like to do when she gets older, Annie questions her role in all the complex systems in which she exists. Her list of those systems grows smaller and more person, creating a building sense of intimacy and urgency.

“and when I look at my own list / of fears and loves / they seem too big / maybe not what the teacher had in mind”

After completing an assignment about what she fears and loves, Annie questions whether her answers fit the prompt. By imagining things that were “too big,” she also questions if she is alone in feeling this way among her peers. Her fears range from war to death to disappearing, revealing her maturity compared to her classmates.