Hate List

During a session with Dr. Hieler, he and Valerie discuss the implications of her father leaving. Valerie, conditioned by years of fighting and her father’s ambivalence, shrugs off the significance of the event. She focuses more on the aspects of her life she can control, like her drawings.

The night of the party, the girls hang out at Jessica Campbell’s house. After the girls get ready for the party, they arrive at Alex’s barn, where Jessica and Meghan head off in their own directions, leaving Valerie by herself. Josh, a popular boy at Garvin, soon offers her a drink and a dance, which Valerie initially refuses, but then accepts. Protesting because of her gunshot injury, Valerie looks down to see “my leg looked like anyone else’s leg. And, come to think of it, it didn’t throb at the moment, either” (311). The beers and euphoria of dancing again trigger a vivid fantasy of Nick, Valerie dancing close with him as he called her the most beautiful girl in the room. Looking around, coming back to reality, Valerie thinks, “And it was cool, this party. Nothing like Nick and I had guessed these parties would be” (312).

Feeling a little lightheaded, Valerie leaves for some air with Josh, but encounters Troy, Meghan’s troubled older brother, who accuses Josh of hanging out with a girl that gets excited over death.