Hate List

Valerie uncharacteristically paints her nails pink, a color she hasn’t worn in so long, she’s afraid the polish is not good. She remarks that her usual colors for the past few years have been black, navy, hunter green, or a sickly, corpselike yellow. Before that, Valerie reminds the reader, “Everything had been pink. I think I burned myself out on pink. And then I burned myself out on black. I’m not sure” (290).

Her dad comes in gingerly, described as moving through Valerie’s messy room like he’s picking his way “through a minefield” (291). He’s come to discuss what Valerie witnessed with his secretary at his office. First, he tells Valerie he loves Briley, his secretary, and that he has already told Valerie’s mother, who has kicked him out. To hear her father speak of love surprises Valerie: “I guess I’d always seen Dad as one-dimensional. Never a thought that didn’t include work. Never an emotion that wasn’t impatience or anger”(293). 

Later that night, after her father has left the family for good, Valerie sneaks down to eat. She encounters her mother, crying. She asks her mother if she’s going to miss Valerie’s father, to which her mother responds, “I miss the guy I said ‘I do’ to.