Hate List

In Chapter 10, as Valerie’s body heals, her parents and her doctors address her emotional state, particularly her previous fantasies of murder and suicide. With Nick gone, many fear Valerie, still a suspected collaborator, poses a risk to both herself and others. Given her grave misunderstandings concerning Nick, Valerie questions herself, too. She thinks:

I hadn’t even noticed when the talk increased. Hadn’t noticed when it got personal. Hadn’t realized that Nick’s stories had become tales of suicide. Of homicide. And mine had, too. Only, as far as I knew, we were still telling fiction (174).

Facing the prospect of mandated psychiatric treatment, she projects, “It was all Romeo and Juliet. It was all Nick, not me” (174). 

Valerie participates in the in-patient psych program at the hospital, where she commingles with peers that talk to walls, burn themselves, suffer from various delusions, and hurl insults at her. Valerie remains strong so that she can return home. She likens the experience to a Catch-22, where she must admit to being crazy in order to get out of a crazy situation. She despises her therapist, remarking on his disgusting appearance and unimaginative clichés, all the while “his eyes wandering to something more important while I answered his Super Shrink questions” (180).