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“The first thing I remember is being under something.”
Henry’s first memory involves being under something. From his position under the table, he is withdrawn from the rest of the world and other people. He is physically beneath them, a physical demonstration of how he will view himself in later life. Henry’s first memory is indicative of how he will begin to view himself in the future, as always “under something” and always separated from others.
“Dimes? Jesus Christ, what kind of ambition is that?”
Henry Senior does not criticize Ben for counterfeiting money but for lacking ambition to the extent that he only counterfeits dimes. For men like Ben, however, the world is one of shrunken ambition. He cannot see himself as someone worthy of making a quarter or a dollar because poverty has forever lowered his ambitions. He cannot counterfeit actual wealth; he can only badly copy more poverty.
“I began eating. It was terrible. I felt as if I were eating them, what they believed in, what they were.”
When Henry is ordered to eat by his parents, the act of eating becomes an act of subjection. He is forced to subject himself to their will, meaning that he understands the symbolism of the meal even at his young age. He is consuming his parents beliefs with each bite, allowing them to be proven right by doing as he is told. Henry gets no nourishment from the meal, only another example of the trauma that will remain unaddressed throughout his life.
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By Charles Bukowski