Girl, Interrupted

Kaysen offers a thorough commentary on her diagnosis, which she finds subjective and problematic. The author admits that the description of Borderline Personality Disorder is “a fairly accurate picture of me at eighteen,” but questions how these traits, many of which are common in teens, could be considered a disorder (136). She points out that feeling uncertain about relationships, friendships and self-identity are common hallmarks of the adolescent experience and how much uncertainty is too much is highly subjective. Kaysen notes that the way that doctors and psychoanalysts perceive and categorize who and what is “mentally ill” can be very subjective; indeed, even homosexuality was once considered a disorder.

Kaysen recalls that as a teenager she did have some tendency to self-harm; she banged her wrists against her chair for long periods of time. Reflecting on this behavior, Kaysen thinks she banged her wrists to make it clear to herself that she was in both physical and psychological pain and to “counteract feelings of ‘numbness’” as the diagnosis manual suggests (139). Since the term “social contrariness” is not defined in the manual Kaysen feels it should not have a place on the list of symptoms (139). She points out that while she does have a rather pessimistic worldview, the father of psychoanalysis, Freud, did too. Kaysen wryly notes that since she managed to leave her “misery” behind and now experiences a “common unhappiness” she is perceived as having “recovered” from her mental illness (139).

She then explores a similar diagnosis called “Identity Disorder”, which affects people who chronically feel bored or empty due to their lack of a clear self-image and direction in life. Kaysen rejects the idea that she could have had Identity Disorder, since she had a very stable self-image. She explains, “I saw myself, quite correctly, as unfit for the educational and social systems” (140). Kaysen explains that her teachers and parents thought she was unstable, since they thought she could assimilate to society’s expectations. She did not only feel boredom or emptiness, but “desolation, despair, depression” (142).

Kaysen further annotates her diagnosis by interrogating the claims that women are more likely to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and that promiscuity is one of the common features of the illness. She points out that sexism could easily cause women to be perceived as promiscuous, and therefore more likely to receive the diagnosis. The author concludes her chapter by admitting that while her mental health has improved since her time at McLean, she often questions her state of mind.

Kaysen describes meeting up with Georgina after their release from McLean Hospital. Georgina belongs to a “consciousness-raising” women’s group and encourages Kaysen to come along. Kaysen, who has recently married, feels insecure around the group members, who were single women who had a variety of skills. She becomes “suspicious of marriage” and fights more often with her husband, though she admits that he contributes more to the household than she does (146). Eventually Georgina also marries and moves to the countryside where she lives on a farm with a goat. Ultimately, Georgina moves to Colorado and she and Kaysen lose touch with each other.

Years after Kaysen’s release from McLean she meets Lisa and her three-year-old son by chance in Boston. Lisa reveals that she is now a “suburban matron” and tells Kaysen has an apartment and furniture and takes her son to a preschool and attends a temple. Kaysen is amazed at Lisa’s new life and attitude, and her commitment to her son. Before they part both women agree that they sometimes think about their time in McLean.

Kaysen reminisces about the trip she took to New York with her English teacher when she was seventeen. She is intrigued by the Vermeer paintings, and the painting of a girl playing piano makes a particularly strong impression on her. Kaysen felt panicked by the expression of the girl in the painting, as it felt as though she was warning Kaysen of something. However, Kaysen does not heed this warning and instead continues her trip with her English teacher, and then returns to Boston where she continues attending high school.

Sixteen years later, Kaysen returns to the same art gallery with a different boyfriend, and she revisits the same painting. She perceives the girl in an entirely new way, finding her “sad” and “distracted” rather than filled with warning (150). When Kaysen reads the title of the painting, Girl Interrupted at Her Music, she is reminded of her own life experience being “interrupted” by her institutionalization. Crying, Kaysen explains to her boyfriend that she feels the girl in the painting is trying to escape her situation, but her boyfriend dismisses her interpretation as self-centered. Kaysen reveals that she has returned to the Frick to view this painting again, which she feels is distinct from the other paintings (151). Girl Interrupted at Her Music has a more realistic “fitful, overcast light of life” that Kaysen recognizes (151). She concludes her book by positing that in life people often cannot perceive their true selves or others.