Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

The memoir’s titular “Big Terrible Thing” refers to the author’s addiction to alcohol and drugs. Suggestive of a monster too vast and horrifying to describe, the phrase symbolizes addiction’s overwhelming and terrifying nature. As Perry conceals his substance use from others, the “big terrible thing” is presented as a lurking presence that only he is aware of. Nevertheless, it dominates every aspect of his life, impacting his work and relationships. As his near-death experiences demonstrate, it also has the potential to kill him. The author personifies his “big terrible thing” as “my best friend and my evil friend and my punisher and my lover, all in one” (211). Suggesting both intimacy and revulsion, the description evokes addiction’s horrors and seductive qualities.

The superhero Batman is a recurring motif in Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing. Perry first refers to the character at the end of the Prologue, cryptically claiming, “Also, I’m Batman” (11). The author explains his identification with the superhero later in the memoir, when he describes imagining his father as Superman and himself as Batman. The roleplay illustrates Perry’s idolization of the father he rarely sees and his childlike desire to be heroic and invincible.