Free Lunch

The abuse that Rex both experiences and witnesses at home affects him emotionally and physically. It alters his perception of himself and the world, and he comes to equate the presence of money with the ability to love. The conditions placed on Luciana’s ability to love her sons keep Rex in a constant state of deprivation and neglect, and her moods keep him on edge. Rex lies to former friend Liam about Luciana giving him a black eye, hides the pain of Sam’s lashing from best friend Ethan, and often hears or witnesses Sam’s beatings of Luciana to “discipline” her: “Then the familiar thuds of violence start, the fleshy thuds I know too well. Even without seeing, I know the sound of slapping, of punching” (131). He often blames himself for Sam’s abuse of Luciana, such as when he feels responsible for his mother’s injuries after the football argument. His tendency to blame himself is the result of being both considerate of his mother (despite their tumultuous relationship) and gaslit by his mother into thinking Sam’s abuse is his fault (which, in itself, is another form of abuse). Struggling to work through his anger and frustration, Rex lashes out at his family and friends, and feels embarrassed by his lack of adequate clothes and need for free lunches. Overall, he feels alone and without proper support.

As a whole, Rex’s family struggles with a cycle of abuse that seems to have no end. Luciana exhibits unpredictable, violent moods, Sam responds to these moods with violence, and Rex often bears the brunt of his parents’ frustration. For a long time, Rex views his mother’s emotional instability as a sign of immaturity: “I want to hate my mom for hating me. I want to scream, tell her I’m joining football whether she likes it or not. I want to tell her to grow up and act like an adult and get a job and stop making my life so hard” (44). The more frustrated he becomes, the more he responds with anger, just like his parents. However, abuse is often complicated, and when Rex starts having thoughts of hurting people, he detests himself: “This big weight sits on my chest for even thinking it. I wonder if I’m evil. I can’t help it though. I can’t control my own thoughts sometimes” (50). Whenever Luciana breaks down, she often relies on Rex to comfort her, which is another form of abuse (like guilt-tripping) as Rex is too young to be responsible for his mother’s wellbeing. Luciana’s physical abuse by Sam also weighs on Rex, as he notes her bruise-covered body—“Another bruise wraps around her neck like wallpaper, only instead of flowers, it’s decorated with fingerprints of crimson and purple” (76)—and feels both guilt (for having contributed to his mother’s pain) and hatred (for Sam). Both Luciana and Rex are framed as wasps flying against a closed window in Chapter 15, trapped and slowly deteriorating unless they decide to change for the better.

While Free Lunch ends on a positive note, the permanence of Luciana’s and Sam’s respective changes are still uncertain. Throughout much of the novel, Rex views his mother’s love as conditional, as her mental health and mood shift depending on the family’s financial situation. While Luciana’s situation goes some way to explaining her anger and frustration, she is still culpable for the emotional and physical abuse that she exacts on her sons; it is only when she finds work that she exhibits affection and refrains from abuse. In turn, Sam begins to refrain from physically abusing Luciana and Rex; it is also implied he stays with Luciana for his biological son’s sake. Luciana and Sam seemingly transform into more forgiving and loving parents, but this transformation coincides with Luciana finding work. Author Rex Ogle’s memoir is framed as a success story, one of optimism and gratitude, but it could be read as a story of temporary relief and uncertainty—as abuse and conditional love are issues rarely solved with simple solutions.