Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock

“So here I am making modern art before I die. Maybe they’ll hang my iPhone in the Philadelphia Museum of Art with the oatmeal Nazi gun pic displayed. They can call it Breakfast of a Teenage Killer or something ridiculous and shocking like that. The art and news worlds will love it, I bet. They’ll make my modern artwork instantly famous. Especially after I actually kill Asher Beal and off myself.” 

In the opening chapter of the novel, Leonard takes a photograph of a Nazi handgun beside his breakfast, anticipating that the photograph might hang in a museum one day. He imagines that the murder-suicide he intends will make him famous in death. Leonard’s darkly comic tone often emerges when he compares himself to what he considers “normal” society.

“Some days he encourages me to write; other days he says I’m ‘gifted’ and then smiles like he’s being truthful, and I’ll come close to asking him the question about his never-exposed forearms, but I never do, and that seems odd—utterly ridiculous, considering how badly I want to ask and how much the answer could save me.” 

Leonard admires and obsesses about Herr Silverman, who never lets his high school students see his forearms. Leonard believes that Herr Silverman’s secret might relieve his pain, for Leonard senses that Herr Silverman also knows hardship. Furthermore, Herr Silverman encourages Leonard to express his creativity and intellect, while other teachers misunderstand him. 

“Walt smiles real sad, makes his Bogie face, and says, ‘What have you ever given me besides money? You ever given me any of your confidence, any of the truth? Haven’t you tried to buy my loyalty with money and nothing else?’ I recognize the quote. It’s from The Maltese Falcon. So I finish it by saying, ‘What else is there I can buy you with?’ We look at each other in our Bogart hats and it’s like we’re communicating, even though we’re completely silent. I’m trying to let him know what I’m about to do. I’m hoping he can save me, even though I realize he can’t.” 

Leonard and Walt might communicate through lines from Humphrey Bogart films, but their words apply to the situation at hand. Leonard has just lied to Walt about the origins of the hat he gave him; Walt challenges Leonard, through the Bogart lines he selects, to tell the truth. Leonard considers the difficult truth—that he will not live through the day—and decides not to share it with his friend, although he wishes Walt could save him from himself.