Fish Cheeks

The theme of shame, specifically as it relates to one’s cultural heritage, permeates the entire essay as a 14-year-old Tan is caught between her Chinese heritage and her desire to be more American. Tan uses a personal and vulnerable account in order to explore this theme, as well as precise and vivid language, which immerse the reader emotionally in her shame. Palpable throughout the essay, the overarching theme of shame reveals the complex emotions and societal pressures that shape Tan’s perception of self.

At the beginning of the essay, Tan’s vivid descriptions of the Christmas Eve dinner preparations emphasize the stark contrast between her family’s Chinese customs and American traditions that are common in the environment that surrounds her. Tan’s use of words like “shabby” to describe their Chinese Christmas immediately introduces a sense of inadequacy and embarrassment. This embarrassment is further highlighted by the narrator’s fear of judgment from her “blond-haired” crush (Paragraph 1), Robert, and his family, establishing one of the essay’s central tensions: shame about one’s cultural heritage. This shame, as it undercuts all of the narrator’s descriptions, creates an incredible sense of anxiety, causing Tan to not enjoy what would otherwise be a joyous, fun holiday.