Firefly Lane

As Kate drives Tully to Chad’s house, Tully talks about the interview and their “dual future” in journalism. Kate wants to tell Tully that she wants to stay at her current job, with Johnny, but she doesn’t. Kate wants nothing more than a husband and kids, and she’s afraid that Tully and her mother won’t understand that.

Tully goes into Chad’s house to tell him that she can’t marry him yet. When she is gone too long, Kate goes in and finds Tully crying with a letter from Chad in hand. The letter explains that Chad wants her, but she wants the world, so he is telling her goodbye and that he’ll always love her. Tully doesn’t understand; she thought that he loved her. Kate points out that his letter suggests like he does and asks if Tully ever told Chad that she loved him. Tully explains that she couldn’t because she doesn’t really believe in love. When Kate tells her that marriage can come later for her, after she has made it in her career, Tully agrees that “somebody will definitely love me then” (181); however, Kate worries that even if everyone loved Tully, it might not be enough.

Tully has trouble sleeping without Chad and wonders if she did the right thing. She makes tea and sits in the living room, where Kate joins her. Kate tells Tully that if she really loved Chad she would be in Tennessee. Tully frets that achieving success and fame might mean that she will never find love, but Kate assures her that she can if she allows herself to be vulnerable. Kate’s words leave Tully feeling “colder and emptier” and she wonders if there is “something missing in [her]” (183). Tully feels as though she must be “easy to leave” (184). Kate tells Tully that she’s not missing anything; if Chad wasn’t willing to wait for her, he’s not the one. While Tully comes to the conclusion that Chad would have waited for her if he loved her, Kate cautions her friend that people stay as long as they know that someday the other person might love them back. As Tully lies in bed and dawn approaches, Tully is haunted by her own words: “easy to leave” (184).

Tully is busy with her new job, but Kate is in a bit of a funk. Tully cries about Chad and talks constantly of the “epic love” she felt for him, but Kate points out that if that were true, Tully would at least have called him. Newly single, Tully is sleeping with random men, but Kate is not dating at all, as she is secretly pining for Johnny. After the night at the hospital, Kate thought she might have a chance, but Johnny reacted with “more than relief” when he found out Tully was okay (186). Kate realizes that Johnny is not going to love her, so she decides to move on.

Kate gets home from work and starts looking for a new job. Tully shows up drunk with Johnny on her arm. They ask her to join them for dancing. Kate knows going will be painful for her, but after some prodding, she agrees. Kate changes her clothes and returns to the living room to find Tully and Johnny kissing. At the bar, when Johnny leaves to get them drinks, Tully asks whether Kate cares if she sleeps with Johnny. Kate pretends that this is a ridiculous question, but she warns Tully that Johnny cares about her and Tully could hurt him. Tully dismisses Kate. Kate drinks heavily and pretends to have fun. That night, Kate cries while she lies in bed listening to Tully and Johnny have sex.

Months later, Johnny looks terrible. At first, Mutt and Carol try to intervene, but Johnny pushes them away, saying he is fine. Kate doesn’t try to help because she knows what’s wrong. Tully has been complaining to Kate about Johnny’s constant phone calls, saying that she thought Johnny knew that she didn’t want a relationship. Kate finds herself alone in the office with Johnny, so she goes into his office, pulls out two beers, and prompts him to talk. When Kate asks Johnny if he wants to know the truth about Tully’s distance, he says he already knows. He goes on to tell Kate how terrible it is “to want someone you can’t have” (191). Kate wishes she could tell him how she feels.

Kate interviews at an advertising company, and it goes well. When she returns to the office, only Johnny is there. In his office, he compliments Kate’s work and congratulates her on what will likely be her new job. Before she leaves for the night, he asks her to help with a story. They work together into the evening, and Johnny insists that he buy Kate dinner. Kate agrees, and they stop off at Johnny’s houseboat so he can change his clothes as she tries to fight “the emotion knocking on her heart” (193). 

On Johnny’s houseboat, Kate and Johnny talk about his parents and his former life as a war correspondent. Johnny marvels at how well Kate knows him, but Kate brushes him off, saying that they’ve “worked together a long time” (195). When Johnny asks Kate why she’s really quitting, she says that she’s “tired of not being good enough” and that she’ll never be great at news (195). She explains that it’s “awful to want something you can’t have,” referencing one of their previous conversations (195). When Johnny points out that he said someone not something, Kate tells him that she also knows how that feels because of how she feels about him. It is clear to Kate that Johnny had no idea, and she explains that she never revealed her feelings because of how he felt about Tully.

Kate feels this is her last chance. She tells Johnny to kiss her. He hesitates, saying that he doesn’t want to hurt her. She kisses him, and when he starts to kiss her back, she cries. He tries to pull away, but she won’t let him. They have sex. Afterward, Kate, who was a virgin, asks if it’s “always like that” (197), and as Johnny tells her no, she is confused at the fear in his eyes.

Kate wakes in Johnny’s bed, unsure of what to do and what tomorrow will bring. Johnny wakes up, and they lie in bed and talk. Johnny reveals his shame at leaving El Salvador. He also cautions Kate that they should take things slowly because he doesn’t want to hurt her. When Johnny says that she’s dangerous, Kate laughs, and she thinks she hears him say, “Because you’re the kind of girl a guy could fall in love with” (199).

Outside her apartment, reality hits Kate and she wonders how Tully will react. After Kate tells her, Tully declares that Johnny is clearly on the rebound and “he can’t be in love with” Kate (200). Kate feels hurt that Tully has made this about her. When Tully eventually asks why Kate never told her about her feelings for Johnny, Kate can only say she was scared, but Tully can see the “fear, worry, jealousy” in her eyes (201). Tully warns Kate that this could be a disaster, but Kate asks her friend to support her. Tully agrees, though she is insincere.

After their conversation, Kate can’t shake Tully’s words, so she calls in sick to work. Johnny shows up to call her bluff, and Kate tells him about her talk with Tully. When Kate asks Johnny if he loves Tully, he says “it doesn’t matter, she didn’t love me” (202). Kate lets Johnny quiet her thoughts, and they have sex. Afterward, Kate realizes that it really does matter to her whether Johnny loved Tully.

Kate and Johnny settle into a regular couple’s routine, including a visit to the Mularkeys, who love him. While they don’t talk about their future, they thoroughly enjoy being together. Then, Kate finds out she is pregnant. She knows that Johnny isn’t ready. He hasn’t told her that he loves her, and their relationship feels “fragile” (204). Without saying anything to Johnny, Kate goes into work early. By four o’clock, she can’t take it anymore and calls Tully. Kate tells Tully that she needs her, and Tully is there in 20 minutes.

At a restaurant, Tully immediately launches into what is going on with her. Kate interrupts to tell her that she’s pregnant. When Kate makes it clear that she will not get an abortion, Tully reveals that she thinks Johnny might feel trapped; however, Tully tells Kate to tell him and “trust him.” Kate feels less panicked because she has a plan.

Kate sits at Johnny’s house waiting for him, thinking about how her perception of love as something sure and lasting was wrong. She worries that her misunderstanding of the nature of love has put her at risk for heartbreak. When Johnny gets home, she tells him that she’s pregnant. Johnny points out that he can’t “just leave anymore” to go on assignment (208). Kate assumes it’s because of the baby, but Johnny tells her that it’s because he loves her. Johnny asks her to marry him, and when Kate asks if he’s sure, his smile tells her that he is.

On Kate’s wedding day, Kate can tell that Tully is worried that Kate will abandon her. Kate assures Tully that they will be together no matter what. After walking down the aisle, Kate takes Johnny’s hand and knows that he is her true love. The rest of the night is a wonderful haze, and Kate can’t stop smiling or crying. At one point, after dancing with Johnny, Kate goes to get a drink. When she glances up, she sees Johnny alone, looking at Tully. For the rest of her life, Kate will wonder “why she looked up at precisely that moment” (212).

After Tully and Kate finish putting together a crib, Tully asks what Kate’s plans are for work after the baby. Kate says she’s planning on quitting—a plan she’s dreaded sharing with Tully. Tully tells Kate that she doesn’t have to give anything up; it’s 1987, and she can do it all. Kate explains that she wants to be there for her child the way that her mother was able to be there for her. As Tully regales Kate with a work story, Kate feels tired, dizzy, and confused. When she stands, she stumbles, and looking back at the couch, Kate sees a blood stain. As Tully tries to get to a phone, Kate faints.

Tully rides in the ambulance with Kate. When they arrive at the hospital, it hits Tully that Kate is in real danger. She prays for Kate and the baby, but Kate has suffered a miscarriage.

Kate wakes up to her mother and Tully in the room, but she asks for Johnny. Johnny arrives shortly after. Kate tells him that the baby was a boy, and they cry together. As Tully watches, she realizes that Johnny does love Kate. She’d always thought that Kate was his second choice when he couldn’t have her. Tully and Kate’s mother leave them alone, and in the hallway, Tully feels “like an outsider” (218). Mrs. Mularkey tries to reassure Tully that though the girls are on “separate paths [... they’ll] always be best friends” (218). Tully realizes that she should have known that their paths were diverging, but she didn’t.

During Kate’s recovery, Tully takes a day off work to spend with her friend. Throughout the day, Tully feels as though everything she says is wrong. Kate is sad, and Tully feels helpless. In the evening, Kate tells Tully that she is going to bed, and Tully should go out and have fun. Tully doesn’t know what to do for Kate, so she goes downstairs to do the dishes. Johnny comes home, and he and Tully go out to the dock to have a drink. Johnny is concerned about Kate, and Tully tells him how lucky he is to have a Mularkey’s love. As she says it, she feels a sudden rush of loneliness. When she tells Johnny that she’s jealous of him and Kate, he tells her that their life isn’t what she wants. He says Tully wants the networks and offers to make some calls. Tully gives him a hug and thinks that Johnny is exactly right: “it was time for her to move on” (228).

Kate can’t sleep. From the window, she watches Tully and Johnny on the dock with pangs of jealousy. She walks out and says, “You two having a party without me?” (221). Johnny jumps up and kisses her, and Tully disappears. Kate wishes that she didn’t love Johnny so much because “he could ruin her someday. Of that she had no doubt” (221).

In the spring of 1988, Tully gets a call from NBC News in New York asking her to audition for a general assignment reporter job. Tully calls Kate to tell her, but Kate already knows because she sent in the audition tapes. Tully can’t believe that Kate thought of her and helped her.

Tully loves New York and her new job. She’s at work by four o’clock in the morning to watch and learn. Her current job is to do pieces of other people’s stories, but she has plans to do her best and move up.

In the fall of 1989, Tully falls into a rhythm. She has her first story, which never airs, but she learns a lot from the experience. She thinks the studio might teach her more if there weren’t so much controversy surrounding the anchors. Tully plans to stay out of the way, figuring that if she does a great job, she might be looked at when positions get shuffled. Tully works 18-hour days, but she talks to Kate a couple of times a week, and she calls Mrs. Mularkey on Sundays. During one of these calls, she learns that Kate is pregnant again, and it’s “going well.”

In late December, Tully is tired after a long day at work, but she decides to head to the Rainbow Room. She has lived in New York for over a year, and she has not had the time nor the inclination to date. She sits at a table, and a handsome blond man joins her. Tully learns that the man is a Brit named Grant who is in town for business. Shortly after, Tully asks if his hotel is close.