43 pages • 1 hour read
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During one of his visits, Olly teaches Madeline how to do a handstand. After an extended period of trying and falling, she succeeds in doing one by herself. Excited, she tries again and almost falls, but Olly catches her by holding her bare ankle to keep her upright. It’s the first time they’ve touched, and his hand sends intense sensations through Madeline. She and Olly are both aware of this physical connection, and Olly cautiously reaches out to touch one of Madeline’s fingers. Madeline responds by holding Olly’s entire hand, and they hold hands until Carla comes to send Olly home. Later, the two IM about it, and Olly implies that he wants to kiss Madeline, sending her even further into obsession and bliss. Madeline researches how to kiss, since she’s never done it before.
These documents are illustrations of Madeline’s research on kissing, including preparations, the physical motions necessary for a successful kiss, and places to practice kissing.
At their next meeting, Olly and Madeline kiss. It’s a thrilling and passionate experience for them both, and they discuss it over IM later. They agree that they should be careful to ensure Madeline doesn’t get sick from being exposed to Olly, but they aren’t sorry about what they did.
Shortly afterward, Madeline and her mom are playing phonetic Scrabble when they hear shouting from the lawn next door. They go to the window and see Olly’s family having a violent confrontation, with his drunken father fighting Olly and grabbing his mother. Afraid for Olly’s safety, Madeline runs outside without thinking and screams at Olly’s father to stop. Mr. Bright goes inside with Olly’s mother, leaving Olly outside. Olly says that Madeline should go inside and insists that he’s fine. Once back in their house, Pauline demands to know why Madeline ran outside; Madeline says she and Olly are online friends and explains her concern for him, but she does not reveal that they’ve met in person and have feelings for each other. Pauline makes Madeline take precautions against her exposure to the outside world.
Pauline finds one of the black rubber bands Olly wears around his wrist in the sunroom; she fires Carla for encouraging him and Madeline to meet. Before she leaves, Carla tells Madeline to be brave and reminds her that “life is a gift” meant to be lived (141).
Madeline has her computer and internet access taken from her as punishment for secretly seeing Olly, so he communicates with her by writing notes and holding them up to the window. They both say they’re OK but they miss each other, and Olly is still afraid of the violence his dad brings into the family. Pauline finds a new nurse for Madeline, and after the two work through their anger at each other, Madeline tells her mom about what Olly’s like, but Pauline doesn’t relent in her punishment.
Madeline’s new nurse is a woman named Janet whom Madeline instantly dislikes. Janet seems to return the feeling of hostility. Olly and Kara’s school year starts, and Madeline watches Olly come and go from her house. Madeline’s internet privileges are restricted to school hours so she can do her online schoolwork, which forces her and Olly to IM as much as they can during the school day. After just a few weeks, Madeline senses that their relationship is beginning to suffer because of their separation and lack of communication. One day she sees another girl get out of Olly’s car, acting flirtatious, and worries about Olly developing feelings for the other girl.
Madeline cancels a mother-daughter evening with Pauline, who comes up to her room and gives her a picture of their family before her dad and brother were killed. In the picture the four are on a beach in Hawaii. Olly comes to his window and writes a note to tell Madeline that the other girl she saw is his lab partner, and Madeline tries to convince him through pantomime that she doesn’t feel jealous.
Madeline reflects that Olly has brought much-needed novelty and excitement to her previously mundane and repetitive life, and that books are no longer adequate as her experience of the world. She witnesses more conflict between Olly’s family and feels powerless to help or defend him against his dad. She feels that her current life is deeply inadequate and believes that if she lives her life fully but dies because of it—by exposing herself to the outside world, which she believes will kill her—the price is worth it.
In this section Madeline and Olly’s relationship transitions from being purely emotional to physical, as they touch, hold hands, and kiss for the first time. This is important because although Madeline communicates with people from a distance through her tutoring and schoolwork, and interacts with the world through the book she reads, she has very few relationships that allow her to give and receive physical affection. This physicality enables Madeline to explore the romantic and sexual aspects of her relationship with Olly, an experience that many young adults have in their teenage or college-aged years. By exploring these ideas in Madeline’s story, Yoon makes her a relatable protagonist to the book’s young adult audience, humanizing Madeline as an ordinary girl despite her extraordinary circumstances.
Another notable part of this section is Madeline’s gradual rejection of the caution enforced by Pauline that has dominated her life. By the end of the section, Madeline has determined that even if she dies while seeking typical experiences in the outside world, it will be worth it. This contrasts with Pauline’s desire to keep her daughter physically safe at any cost. This conflict demonstrates yet again that the book is a coming-of-age story, in which the teenage protagonist questions or rejects the ideals put forth by authority figures (who are often parental figures). Pauline’s refusal to let Olly be part of Madeline’s life motivates her daughter to distance herself from the mother-daughter relationship that was previously so central to Madeline’s life.
Madeline’s relationship with her mother is one of the “pillars” that structured her life and sense of identity before she met Olly, but as the narrative progresses and Madeline matures, this and other key pillars begin to lose importance. For example, Pauline fires Carla (an important presence in Madeline’s life), and Madeline begins to feel that reading is an inadequate way to experience the world. These relationships and attributes once helped Madeline understand herself and her place in the world, but she now finds their support lacking during this crucial transitional time. This is another characteristic of the coming-of-age story, in which the protagonist must reevaluate and modify a childhood conception of self.
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By Nicola Yoon