Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ

Goleman begins by highlighting the alarming trends in divorce rates, particularly the increasing risk for newlywed couples. He argues that while social pressures that once kept couples together have diminished, emotional intelligence has become even more crucial for relationship survival, reiterating the theme of The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Personal and Professional Success.

Goleman looks into the origins of emotional differences between men and women and traces them back to childhood experiences. Girls, he notes, are often exposed to more emotional communication and develop better emotional skills, which sets the stage for them to become emotional managers in marriages. On the contrary, boys tend to be less adept at handling emotions and are often less aware of their own emotional states.

The author introduces research findings that suggest women generally experience a broader and more intense range of emotions than men. He highlights the emotional gender gap and discusses how men’s reluctance to engage in emotional conversations and their tendency to view marriages more optimistically can lead to misunderstandings and dissatisfaction.

Goleman then introduces the work of psychologist John Gottman, who analyzes couples’ interactions to predict the likelihood of divorce. Harsh criticism, contempt, and stonewalling are identified as destructive emotional patterns that can erode marital bonds.