Elena Vanishing

Content Warning: This section of the guide includes discussion of disordered eating (anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa), self-harm, mental illness (including psychosis), rape, cursing, and pregnancy loss.

Anorexia nervosa is classified as a mental illness. It begins as a psychological state, but its symptoms manifest in both physical and psychological ways, and Elena Vanishing draws attention to both sides of the experience, including the ways they intersect and impact one another. 

For Elena, the psychological side of her anorexia stems from her need for self-control and the fact that she blames herself for negative experiences in her past. Elena attributes her initial exposure to anorexia to peers at boarding school, who taught her methods of controlling her eating. She observed other girls her age fasting and purging, and she copied their behaviors. Elena admired those girls because she saw them as strong and disciplined, and she wanted to give the same impression to the world. In keeping with the fact that anorexia often involves a lack of insight into one’s own illness, these tendencies have deepened by the time the memoir opens. Elena constantly worries about her appearance, is suspicious of compliments, thinks people are pitying her, and downplays her accomplishments: “They hug you and cry and call you brave, when what they really mean by that is damaged” (3).