Ego Is the Enemy: The Fight to Master Our Greatest Opponent

“In this way, ego is the enemy of what you want and what you have: Of mastering a craft. Of real creative insight. Of working well with others. Of building loyalty and support. Of longevity. Of repeating and retaining your success. It repulses advantages and opportunities. It’s a magnet for enemies and errors.”

Holiday contrasts egotistical impulses with the qualities and habits that foster real success. He claims that “ego is the enemy” because it can hinder attempts at fostering real skill and personal development. Instead, Holiday believes that there is a link between Ego and Delusion.

“Talk depletes us. Talking and doing fight for the same resources. Research shows that while goal visualization is important, after a certain point our minds begin to confuse it with actual progress. The same goes for verbalization.”

Holiday connects “talk,” or verbalizing what one wants to work on or achieve, with the ego, positing that the ego enjoys envisioning success and receiving validation or attention for the idea of it. Holiday argues that it is actually counterproductive to talk about one’s work too much since it detracts from one’s focus on the actual task at hand.

“Appearances are deceiving. Having authority is not the same as being an authority. Having the right and being right are not the same either. Being promoted doesn’t necessarily mean you’re doing good work and it doesn’t mean you are worthy of promotion (they call it failing upward in such bureaucracies). Impressing people is utterly different from being truly impressive.”

Holiday undermines external signs of success, such as job titles, by pointing out that some people are undeserving of their authority or status. He instead advocates a humble and hardworking approach to life, encouraging the reader to look past the superficial.

“The power of being a student is not just that it’s an extended period of instruction, it also places the ego and ambition in someone else’s hands. There is a sort of ego ceiling imposed—one knows that he is not better than the ‘master’ he apprentices under. Not even close. You defer to them, you subsume yourself.”

In this passage, Holiday shows how cultivating a student, or beginner, mindset is inherently in opposition to egotistical thinking, thus presenting Continual Learning as a Remedy to Ego. By listening to mentors and seeking out skilled teachers, people acknowledge that they are still learning and must work to improve, both of which run counter to the ego.

“Passion typically masks a weakness. Its breathlessness and impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for strength, and purpose and perseverance. You need to be able to spot this in others and in yourself, because while the origins of passion may be earnest and good, its effects are comical and then monstrous.”

Holiday argues that, unlike what many people have been taught, being passionate about something can actually detract from people’s ability to execute their vision. The author claims that passion is sometimes a manifestation of the ego when it seeks to distract others from an inner weakness, reflecting the link between Ego and Delusion.

“It’s easy to be bitter […] To hate even the thought of subservience. To despise those who have more means, more experience, or more status than you. To tell yourself that every second not spent doing your work, or working on yourself, is a waste of your gift. To insist, I will not be demeaned like this. Once we fight this emotional and egotistical impulse, the canvas strategy is easy. The iterations are endless.”

Holiday claims that feeling demeaned in junior positions can be an egotistical response to having a low status and urges the reader to overcome this emotional reaction and see the opportunities they could create for themselves. By contrasting the “bitterness” and resentment that often accompany entry-level jobs with a purposeful and productive approach, the author tries to persuade the reader that his strategy will increase their positivity and productivity.

“No matter how confident and famous Robinson became, he never spit on fans. He never did anything that undermined his legacy. A class act from opening day until the end, Jackie Robinson was not without passion. He had a temper and frustrations like all of us do. But he learned early that the tightrope he walked would tolerate only restraint and had no forgiveness for ego.”

The author here praises the incredible composure Jackie Robinson displayed during his baseball career when faced with racist abuse. However, in presenting reacting to or ignoring racist abuse as a matter of mere “ego” or “temper,” the passage also demonstrates Holiday’s tendency to focus on the individual’s choices and conduct in isolation instead of examining the impact of external socioeconomic factors.

“Our imagination—in many senses an asset—is dangerous when it runs wild. We have to rein our perceptions in. Otherwise, lost in the excitement, how can we accurately predict the future or interpret events? How can we stay hungry and aware? How can we appreciate the present moment? How can we be creative within the realm of practicality?”

Holiday claims that the imagination becomes problematic when people become immersed in their own fantasies and lose their ability to evaluate their own abilities and make decisions based on reality. This quotation encourages the reader to consider their relationship with their own thoughts and question their own narratives, reinforcing The Importance of Self-Awareness.

“We tend to be on guard against negativity, against the people who are discouraging us from pursuing our callings or doubting the visions we have for ourselves […] What we don’t protect ourselves against are people and things that make us feel good—or rather, too good. We must prepare for pride and kill it early—or it will kill what we aspire to.”

Holiday exposes the irrationality behind rejecting negativity while embracing all positivity since flattery and success can make people prideful through Ego and Delusion. This quotation helps Holiday build his theme about the importance of self-examination and challenging one’s own reactions.

“Every time you sit down to work, remind yourself: I am delaying gratification by doing this. I am passing the marshmallow test. I am earning what my ambition burns for. I am making an investment in myself instead of in my ego. Give yourself a little credit for this choice, but not so much, because you’ve got to get back to the task at hand: practicing, working, improving.”

Holiday reminds the reader that only hard work will create real results and that ambition is empty without it. This passage again contrasts work and discipline with egoic thinking, emphasizing how consistent efforts can keep the ego at bay and produce meaningful achievements.

“It is not enough to be a student only at the beginning. It is a position that one has to assume for life. Learn from everyone and everything […] At every step and every juncture in life, there is the opportunity to learn—and even if the lesson is purely remedial, we must not let ego block us from hearing it again.”

Holiday advises the reader to adopt the view of a beginner, or student, throughout their life to make sure they continue learning and developing themselves. He thus presents Continual Learning as a Remedy to Ego.

“You need to know what you don’t want and what your choices preclude. Because strategies are often mutually exclusive. One cannot be an opera singer and a teen pop idol at the same time. Life requires those trade-offs, but ego can’t allow it.”

According to Holiday, egoic thinking drives people to believe they should have everything they want; ironically, this makes real success harder since it requires a narrower focus on one’s priorities. Holiday contrasts the demands of the ego with the realities of life, again positioning the ego as an unreasonable and unrealistic force that needs to be managed.

“What matters is that you learn to manage yourself and others, before your industry eats you alive. Micromanagers are egotists who can’t manage others and they quickly get overloaded. So do the charismatic visionaries who lose interest when it’s time to execute.”

Holiday notes how important it is to manage one’s ego in a management position. He suggests that both “micromanagers” and “charismatic visionaries” suffer from the same failing: an inability to manage effectively and maintain the proper course due to Ego and Delusion getting in the way.

“Merkel is the embodiment of Aesop’s fable about the tortoise. She is slow and steady. The historic night the Berlin Wall fell, she was thirty-five. She had one beer, went to bed, and showed up early for work the next day. A few years later, she had worked to become a respected but obscure physicist. Only then did she enter politics. In her fifties, she became chancellor. It was a diligent, plodding path.”

Holiday points to Angela Merkel, the former chancellor of Germany, as an example of a world leader whose career was based on hard work and consistency. The author values the slow and methodical way that Merkel advanced her career, suggesting that egoists want success to come easily and quickly, while real leaders like Merkel are able to sustain their efforts over a long period and make success last.

“Instead of letting power make us delusional and instead of taking what we have for granted, we’d be better to spend our time preparing for the shifts of fate that inevitably occur in life. That is, adversity, difficulty, failure.”

The author urges the reader to not dwell on their own successes but turn their attention to preparing for potential challenges and failures. This passage suggests that egotistical thinking leads people to believe that their success will last forever, which Holiday calls “delusional,” while humility makes people more resilient and prepared in the long term.

“Most people know what Malcolm X did after he got out of prison, but they don’t realize or understand how prison made that possible. How a mix of acceptance, humility, and strength powered the transformation.”

The author argues that by embracing a humble outlook and intentionally becoming a student of history, religion, and philosophy while in prison, Malcolm X was able to find purpose and direction. This quotation shows how by rejecting egotistical thinking, people can transform themselves and use their hardships to their own advantage in the process. It also reflects Continual Learning as a Remedy to Ego.

“In life, there will be times when we do everything right, perhaps even perfectly. Yet the results will somehow be negative: failure, disrespect, jealousy, or even a resounding yawn from the world. Depending on what motivates us, this response can be crushing. If ego holds sway, we’ll accept nothing less than full appreciation.”

Holiday urges the reader to do their best, whether they receive external validation for their efforts or not. Holiday shows how a desire for appreciation can become a weakness since without validation, people may give up entirely.

“Psychologists often say that egotism is one of the most dangerous forces on earth […] Sometimes because we can’t face what’s been said or what’s been done, we do the unthinkable in the face of the unbearable: we escalate. This is the ego in its purest and most toxic form.”

Holiday considers how unbridled egotism leads people to intensify conflicts to avoid embarrassment. The author claims that not only is this detrimental to one’s own development and success, but it can also be “dangerous.”

“A full stop. It’s not that these folks should have quit everything. It’s that a fighter who can’t tap out or a boxer who can’t recognize when it’s time to retire gets hurt. Seriously so. You have to be able to see the bigger picture.”

Holiday claims that the ego makes it difficult to “back down” from conflict and laments that as people dig in their heels and fight harder, they often make matters much worse for themselves. This passage ties in with Holiday’s theme about The Importance of Self-Awareness and transforming hardship into success through humility and hard work, rather than caving in to the ego’s desire to always succeed and never experience setbacks.

“The only real failure is abandoning your principles. Killing what you love because you can’t bear to part from it is selfish and stupid. If your reputation can’t absorb a few blows, it wasn’t worth anything in the first place.”

Holiday advocates prioritizing values over immediate success, noting that sometimes even successful people must take a step back from their work in order for it to continue.

“A person who judges himself based on his own standards doesn’t crave the spotlight the same way as someone who lets applause dictate success. A person who can think long term doesn’t pity herself during short-term setbacks. A person who values the team can share credit and subsume his own interests in a way that most others can’t.”

Holiday emphasizes the importance of creating one’s own standard and not being overly concerned with praise or criticism. He connects this with his broader argument that by overcoming egotistical thinking, people can achieve more long-term and meaningful success.

“Where has hatred and rage ever really gotten anyone? Especially because almost universally, the traits or behaviors that have pissed us off in other people—their dishonesty, their selfishness, their laziness—are hardly going to work out well for them in the end. Their ego and shortsightedness contains its own punishment.”

Holiday urges the reader to overcome hateful reactions by pointing out the general futility of this strategy, claiming that angry responses are usually not helpful. Holiday suggests that egotistical people will experience a kind of consequential justice for their poor behavior.

“This obsession with the past, with something that someone did or how things should have been, as much as it hurts, is ego embodied. Everyone else has moved on, but you can’t, because you can’t see anything but your own way. You can’t conceive of accepting that someone could hurt you, deliberately or otherwise.”

Holiday develops his argument that hatred and bearing grudges hurt the individual more than the person they resent. According to the author, even reacting hatefully to real injustice can be more harmful than helpful, and it is better to let go of the past and, in doing so, also let go of one’s own ego.