44 pages • 1 hour read
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At 19, Burroughs secures a job as an advertising copywriter with no education, no connections, and no experience. Despite his “astonishing” salary, he cannot pay his bills; his complete lack of structure throughout his childhood now makes normal adult responsibilities difficult. He meets his friend Jim, a “coffin salesman,” at one of his favorite bars. Over drinks, Burroughs complains that he hates his job; he feels he “manipulate[s] people into parting with their money” (5). After several drinks—not enough for him to feel drunk—Jim suggests they bar hop. Although Burroughs has to be up early for a work meeting, he agrees.
Several drinks and morbid conversations later, they are still sitting at a bar. Burroughs tells himself repeatedly, “I really need to go, I’ll already be a mess as it is” (7), but Jim orders a nightcap. Hours later, staggering out of a karaoke bar, he realizes with shock that it’s 4:15am.
With barely any sleep, Burroughs wakes at 6:00am, still drunk, and grooms himself as best he can. He meets his client and his art director, Greer, at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His relationship with Greer has been tense lately because of his drinking.
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By Augusten Burroughs