Dreamland

Content Warning: This section discusses physical abuse by a family member and physical abuse by a partner.

Photography becomes an important part of Caitlin’s life, and cameras and photographs both serve as important symbols in the text. Through photography class, Caitlin maintains a relationship with Boo and her mother, which otherwise might have been impossible given Rogerson’s manipulative behavior and emotional abuse to separate Caitlin from her friends and family. More importantly, Caitlin is able to use her newfound ability to take photos to capture the world around her and process her feelings through this art form.

At the start of her photography journey, Caitlin first establishes its significance in relation to her past achievement. Her sense of confidence as a photographer begins to blossom and serves as a strong juxtaposition to her evolving insecurities in her romantic relationship. She describes her first portrait as “the first thing I’d done in a long time that I was truly proud of, so much so that I hung it on my mirror, replacing my second-place ribbons and B honor roll certificates” (127). Her photograph is able to actively replace her feelings of being “second-place” as she finds her artistic voice. Feeling proud of herself is also an important internal shift that foreshadows how she finds healing in the conclusion of the novel.

Caitlin’s use of the camera is one of the ways that she is able to find power despite the abuse she is experiencing. In particular, this is shown through her portrait of Rogerson; in her teacher’s words, the photo portrays that she “know[s] him a little better than he’d like [her] to” (152). Caitlin shows how deeply she knows someone through her camera, and this gives her a kind of control that she doesn’t have in other facets of her relationships, especially with Rogerson. She describes later that the camera allows her to be “invisible” (183), reducing her to her ability to capture others rather than be seen herself. This sense of authority over her life is a critical component of her growth as a character.

Self-portraiture is also symbolic of Caitlin’s knowledge of herself. In the treatment center, she destroys her picture of herself from the height of her abuse, “tearing the pieces down until they grew smaller and smaller” (227). As Caitlin processes what has happened to her, she has difficulty accepting how far away from herself she had been; when she is able to find healing, she pieces back together the initial portrait and takes a new one. In the final portrait, she smiles at herself and, in the mirror, feels that the girl she sees “understood it all” (248). Through photography, Caitlin is able to feel control over her own identity and narrative.