Don't Let's Go to the Dogs Tonight

Nicola Fuller, Alexandra’s mother, is described as a physically striking figure, with deep auburn hair cut short in an elfin style, accentuating her pale, piercing eyes and sculpted cheekbones. She possesses a spare frame, indicative of her athletic and hard-muscled physique cultivated from years of farm living (276). Nicola embodies resilience in the face of adversity, taking on the responsibility of managing the family’s farms and engaging in demanding physical labor alongside her daughters.

Nicola’s moral compass is distorted by her racist ideology, viewing the fight to maintain white rule as noble and justifiable, even advocating for violence to preserve it: “We were prepared to die, you see, to keep one country white-run” (24). Her justifications for colonialism prioritize white entitlement over the rights of the indigenous population, exposing the deep-seated racism that underpins her worldview. Nicola embodies the archetype of the entitled white settler in colonial Africa, fiercely defending white dominance and viewing Rhodesia as an extension of British identity. She expresses outrage at Rhodesia and Kenya’s independence, seeing them as betrayals of colonial power, and justifies her involvement in the Rhodesian Bush War as a fight to preserve white rule.

Nicola’s identity is intricately tied to her status as a white settler in Africa, with land ownership serving as a cornerstone of her sense of belonging. As independence movements gain momentum, she reacts with indignation to the dismantling of colonial power structures, feeling a deep sense of entitlement to the land in Rhodesia and viewing its redistribution as an assault on her very being. Nicola desperately clings to her fading sense of self, evident in emotional outbursts like her tearful response to Scottish music. Despite living in Africa for most of her life, she longs for a homeland she has never truly known, craving a stable identity associated with social status and power. Such a yearning fuels her resentment toward change and her reluctance to relinquish the colonial structures that have defined her existence, centering her motivations around preserving the privileges colonial systems afford her.

Nicola’s heavy alcohol misuse habits disrupt family dynamics. The author’s depiction of her intoxicated behavior as a predictable pattern, metaphorically represented as “chapters,” suggests that Nicola’s alcohol misuse is ingrained in family life. Her excessive alcohol consumption serves as a coping mechanism for internal struggles, numbing the anxieties linked to her displaced identity and personal tragedies. Following the deaths of her children Adrian, Olivia, and Richard, Nicola’s grief overwhelms her, leading to increased alcohol intake and emotional instability. She becomes withdrawn and paranoid, struggling to cope with the weight of her losses. These deaths become foundational myths within the family, shaping their collective identity and influencing their behaviors and interactions. After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder following a manic episode, she experiences hallucinations and sleep disturbances, requiring hospitalization and treatment. Later in life, Nicola finds solace in activities like gardening and maintains connections with her loved ones.

The title of the memoir holds significant insight into Nicola’s character and her role within the memoir. The full epigraph, “Don’t let’s go to the dogs tonight / For mother will be there,” by English poet and essayist A.P. Herbert, hints at Nicola’s struggles and how she becomes a central force throughout the narrative. The expression “going to the dogs” typically signifies going out or engaging in destructive behavior, such as Nicola’s. As the primary caregiver and matriarch of the Fuller family, her battle with bipolar disorder and alcohol use disorder permeates every aspect of their lives. Thus, the epigraph sets the tone for Nicola’s portrayal, emphasizing her pivotal role in Alexandra’s life and memoir.

Vanessa Fuller is Alexandra’s older sister. She emerges as a resilient figure amidst the turmoil of their upbringing, both in her demeanor and appearance. Described as inheriting her “paternal grandmother’s enormous pale blue eyes” and boasting “long, blonde thick hair” worn in a braid down her back, she possesses a commanding, traditionally feminine appearance (73-74).

Vanessa steps up to provide comfort and guidance to her sister and her father during times of grief and hardship. Her proactive approach reflects a forced maturity, as she grapples with the weight of loss and familial responsibility, stepping into a caregiver role to ensure the family’s well-being. Vanessa’s relationship with Alexandra is marked by common sibling rivalry and teasing, but overall, she assumes a maternal role, offering support and guidance when her mother fails to do so. She explains her mother’s psychological turmoil to young Alexandra and assists with household chores, emerging as a nurturing force amidst the backdrop of a turbulent upbringing.

Despite the chaos around her, Vanessa exhibits a quiet strength, often demonstrating her ability to “take care of herself” (72). Forced to mature prematurely due to the challenges she faces, she navigates the harsh realities of war and personal tragedy with remarkable resilience. Witnessing the aftermath of war events, such as witnessing the aftermath of a bombed bus, Vanessa attempts to grapple with the brutality of the world around her. She also confronts personal trauma, experiencing assault as a young teen. Despite remaining resourceful in seeking assistance from neighbors, her parents’ dismissal of the assault erodes her sense of security, leading to emotional detachment. Vanessa’s “distant look” when her parents disregard her experiences serves as a coping mechanism for the trauma she endures.