Do Not Say We Have Nothing

At work one day, Sparrow found out that Fan had been arrested for being a “counter-revolutionary” (420). He and his co-workers planned to go to the police station in her defense the following day. Sparrow called Big Mother Knife and found out that Wen and Swirl were now legally able to return and that they should be visiting him that upcoming “winter” (422). She asked if he had been composing music, and he admitted he had—the title of his latest work made her “joyful” (423).

At home, the loudspeakers blared about the return of martial law. All citizens were told to keep off the streets. Suddenly, Fan appeared at the door, begging Sparrow to join her in helping their co-workers in trouble. Sparrow whispered something to Ling, told Ai-Ming to stay with her mother, and left with Fan. Ling told Ai-Ming how angry Sparrow made her—Ai-Ming knew nothing about her father, who had been forced to have a family and who would have chosen a different path if he could have. She stared at the door he had just exited and cursed him for thinking he was “invisible” (427).

Though gunfire persisted through the night and her mother screamed after her, Ai-Ming left the second Yiwen came to get her. They pedaled to Tiananmen Square where Yiwen dismounted and explained that people were being shot everywhere: She had seen people killed right in front of her. One of the places under attack was Sparrow destination. Ai-Ming wanted to go back for her father, but Yiwen insisted that to do so was a death sentence. Convinced that it was her fault that all the people were dying, Yiwen kept repeating in shock, “What have we done?” (429).

Tanks and gunfire surrounded Fan and Sparrow. Fan was shouting at the soldiers and trying to keep the army away from the students. Sparrow ran to help a teen he saw shot and stabbed with a bayonet for holding a camera. He asked the teen his name, told him he would be there for him, thought about his own daughter, and tried to stop the blood. He watched a couple and their child try to run to safety. Then, even after showing the soldiers his empty hands, he was shot.

Ai-Ming begged Yiwen to leave Tiananmen Square but Yiwen held her and insisted it was “too late” (435). The loudspeakers told everyone who did not want to be killed to leave the square. A few minutes later, Ai-Ming realized that thousands of soldiers and tanks surrounded them. The student leaders held a vote to see if the students wanted to agree to leave peacefully or stay and fight. Ai-Ming voted to leave and Yiwen voted to stay. Ultimately, they couldn’t reach consensus, but Ai-Ming and Yiwen locked arms with other students and managed to get out of the square and safely back home. 

Ai-Ming gave up looking for her father while Ling searched the hospitals. Yiwen burst in, saying that someone on the neighborhood phone was looking for Sparrow. Ai-Ming took the call. On the other end of the line was Jiang Kai—he was worried about Sparrow and was hoping Ai-Ming could calm his worries. Stunned to hear from the man in her father’s love letters, Ai-Ming told Jiang Kai to write to Ling. Mrs. Sun, who ran the neighborhood phone, picked up the phone and told Jiang Kai that Sparrow had been missing for days and had likely been killed in the massacre.

The students continued to protest, but Yiwen told Ai-Ming that “the government won” and there wasn’t much point in continuing to fight (444). They walked back into Ai-Ming’s home to find it ransacked by a man and woman who kept asking for Sparrow’s “unit ID” (445). They tore up the piece of music Sparrow had written, but never heard performed. Yiwen stopped them and chased them out, but Ai-Ming only tore the music up more after they left.

Ling climbed into bed with a sleeping Ai-Ming and thought about how quickly the rebellion had fallen; how many injured, dead, and lonely were in the hospitals; and how all her co-workers had to formally denounce the students. She had written her own letter of denunciation, but had not turned it in yet. She went to the record player, listened to the last song Sparrow had listened to, and found all his letters from Jiang Kai. At work the next day, she found out that Sparrow was dead and already cremated. Officially, he had died of a stroke. Asked about his counter-revolutionary associations, Ling said their family had already given enough and went to pick up the cardboard box of Sparrow’s ashes, hoping only that she could someday save Ai-Ming from the pain she had come to know.

Marie has no idea what happened to Ai-Ming but thinks that she most likely ended up in a “maze of detention centres” (453). She often visits Ai-Ming childhood home, hoping to run into Ai-Ming. In June 2016, Marie sits while Professor Liu plays what remains of Sparrow’s last written work. Old Cat and Yiwen are also there. The room feels timeless to Marie.

Before she came to Canada to live with Marie and her mother, Ai-Ming lived in the desert with Wen and his friend Projectionist Bang. Wen talked to her about how talented and special Sparrow was and told her not to limit herself, to never “try to be only a single thing” (458). Big Mother and Swirl eventually arrived and Big Mother tried to find a way to get Ai-Ming safely to Canada. Ai-Ming confessed how scared she was to Swirl, who had recently returned from exile, but Swirl assured her she would eventually be all right. Swirl and Big Mother Knife reminisced and discussed their plans to move back in together. Eventually, Ai-Ming packed a small suitcase and headed for Toronto, where she met Marie.

Marie still hopes to find her. She leaves copies of The Book of Records both online and in physical bookstores, hoping one day that Ai-Ming will find a copy and find her way back to Marie.