Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

As members of the Harvard Negotiation Project, Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen have written Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (1999). The book is a working guide to initiating dialogue in situations of conflict and guiding those conversations to a satisfying conclusion. The authors are lawyers and business consultants and colleagues at Harvard University, with backgrounds in conflict resolution and interpersonal methods of dialogue and negotiation.

A New York Times bestseller, Difficult Conversations has been issued in a special 10th Anniversary Edition; this includes a fourth part covering the 10 most frequently asked questions about the book.

This study guide uses the e-book version of the 10th Anniversary Edition, published by Penguin Books in 2010.

Summary

In any difficult conversation, the book says there are three different conversations that must be had. They are: the “what happened” conversation, the “feelings” conversation, and the “identity” conversation. In Chapter 1, the authors explain how each of these conversations—or different aspects of the one, fundamental conversation—will play a pivotal role in determining the various motivations, intentions, and desires of the people attempting to engage in a discussion about a difficult or sensitive topic.