Dibs in Search of Self: The Renowned, Deeply Moving Story of an Emotionally Lost Child Who Found His Way Back

Dr. Virginia M. Axline was a child psychologist and researcher who incorporated Carl Rogers’s Humanistic Approach to Child Therapy into her play therapy sessions. She worked from the 1940s until her death in the 1980s. Her principles changed the field of child psychology and are still in use today by psychologists and educators worldwide. Dr. Axline’s memoir about her time with Dibs is written with objectivity, but also compassion and poetic grace. She accepts that she does not know everything; in fact, she cites the importance of withholding judgment of patients. She believes children in particular should be encouraged to discover their autonomy and self-worth on their own.

Dr. Axline grows fond of Dibs but does not let this interfere with her objectivity. She acts as a reflection of Dibs, helping only when he needs help and giving him space. She provides a place where Dibs can be and do whatever he pleases, and in which he can discover the effects of his actions. Dr. Axline sees Dibs as someone with the capacity to change and grow in spite of his parents’ emotional abuse. She believes in his potential, but rather than interfere with him and his family, she lets him work through his emotions. She treats his parents in a similar fashion, never pressuring them to express their own emotions. At times, Dr. Axline admits she wants to judge Dibs’s parents for the harm they caused, but reminds herself that the family’s situation is complex. When Dibs’s time at the Child Guidance Center ends, Dr. Axline goes on to cite his story in lectures and her memoir, which have since changed many lives. To Dibs, she was “the lady of the wonderful playroom” (204) who helped him reconcile with The Pains and Joys of Finding Oneself.

Dibs’s parents are the root of his reclusion, as their emotional abuse made him fear the world, locked doors, and his own capabilities. When Dibs works to forgive them and initiate communication, they soften toward him. Dibs was an unplanned child, forever changing his parents’ plan to focus on their careers; his mother was a surgeon, and his father remains a scientist. In becoming pregnant, Dibs’s mother worried that Dibs’s father would no longer be interested in her, and the two became distant. When Dibs started to display abilities beyond those of a toddler, such as being able to read, Dibs’s mother pushed him to prove his intelligence. Dibs felt pressured and developed a fear of his mother, showing his intelligence, and speaking. Dibs’s father has always been distant and becomes frequently frustrated with Dibs’s refusal to communicate. He locks Dibs in his room, which Dibs copes with through symbolic play at the Child Guidance Center.

When Dibs’s mother and Dr. Axline meet for the first time, Dr. Axline notes how Dibs’s mother seems just as closed off as Dibs. She later explains that previous psychologists judged her and her husband for wronging their son. While one psychologist’s accusation of neglect was accurate, this abrasive approach only pushed Dibs’s parents away from him. Dr. Axline extends a Humanistic Approach to Child Therapy to Dibs’s mother, allowing her to express her fears: “Suddenly we were just two frightened, lonely, unhappy people with our defenses crumpled and deserted. It was terrible—and yet a relief to know that we could be human and could fail and admit that we had failed!” (90). Dibs’s parents often fought over his reclusion, but refused to confront their feelings until Dibs did so himself. Dibs’s willingness to examine himself and the most painful parts of his life inspired his parents to do the same, demonstrating How Healing a Child Can Heal a Family.