Demon Dentist

Alfie knows the location of the opening in the chain link fence. Winnie’s clothes get stuck on the rough wire edges as she tries to crawl through. Alfie must push her until she tumbles through—leaving her clothing except for underwear stuck on the fence. Winnie is embarrassed, but Alfie frees the garments, hands them through, and then turns away while Winnie dresses. She swears him to secrecy, and he promises. Alfie tries to operate the elevator that descends into the mine, but it has no power. Winnie insists that he stay away from the shaft while she calls for the police, but Alfie opens the barrier door and looks down the shaft. Dropping a piece of coal, he recognizes that the shaft might go down for hundreds of meters. Without Winnie noticing, he rips out his pants pockets to protect his hands, makes a running leap, and shimmies down the elevator cable.

Alfie loses all light as he descends. When he finally touches the bottom, he can see nothing, but he assumes that he stands on the abandoned elevator car. (A full two-page spread of blacked-out pages shows how dark it is for Alfie.) He finds a roof hatch on the car, climbs in, and leaves by the metal door. Now, the yellow light in the distance makes some shadows. He sees train tracks and tunnels.

Walking to the light, Alfie discovers a cavern lit by countless candles. He finds a long white table set with plates and goblets but no chairs; instead, a huge white throne sits at the head of the table. Everything seems made, weirdly, from little white tiles. Alfie studies a goblet closely and realizes that it is made of children’s teeth. Nearby, a massive cauldron filled with Mummy’s toothpaste boils over a great fire; Alfie sees Gabz hanging above it, chained to the ceiling by her wrists and ankles. Alfie tries to move the throne to climb up to Gabz but cannot. He runs toward the shaft to holler for help; instead, he runs into the witch as she hangs bat-like from the ceiling, holding Fang.

The witch chains Alfie up next to Gabz. She tells them that she has collected teeth from children all over the world but chose to settle in their town and that she is intent on collecting all the local children’s teeth for her lair. She tells them that she trapped all the tooth fairies in the area and that Fang enjoyed them as a snack. She mentions that children these days don’t often believe in stories or witches and that that has made it very easy to gather teeth. She loves leaving the gruesome replacements under pillows. She intends to lower Alfie and Gabz into the toothpaste, which will act like acid: “All that will be left of you will be your bones” (366).

There is a rattling noise in the distance, but the witch pays no mind as she unties their wrists. Alfie and Gabz hang upside down just inches from the horrible flesh-eating toothpaste. The witch opens one of Alfie’s ankle bindings and then works on the other. Alfie suddenly sees one of the mine trains barreling toward the witch’s lair—and Dad is driving it.

The witch loosens Alfie’s other ankle. At the same time, Dad’s train collides with the throne. The witch and Fang tumble into the toothpaste, screaming horribly. Gabz grabs Alfie by the ankle so that he does not fall. She swings him clear of the cauldron and lets go. Alfie lands on the front of the charging train and hollers for Dad to stop before they collide with the rock wall. Dad’s lungs cannot handle the coal dust; he is gasping but intent on saving Alfie. Dad, whom Winnie called, steers the train near Gabz. Alfie unties her; Dad pulls her to safety, warning her to avoid the sack of dynamite in the car. They want to leave but see the witch and Fang—now just skeletons—racing toward them.

Dad zooms the train backward out of the lair and down the tunnel while Gabz pulls a stick of dynamite. Alfie finds a match; they light the stick and throw it. Its explosion brings down a cave-in, sealing in the witch and cat. They rejoice, but minutes later, the witch and Fang pursue them on the gas cylinder: “Mummy’s going to get you!” (385). Alfie throws a second stick of dynamite, but its explosion is not enough to defeat the two. Fang jumps onto Dad’s head and claws him. Gabz lights the last stick; then, the train stops, and she drops the lit stick.

Gabz flees the train, and Alfie rescues Dad just before the last stick explodes. The blast causes a leak in the witch’s gas cylinder; the scent of laughing gas is all around. Alfie and Dad laugh as they and Gabz make their way down the tunnel, but Dad is too heavy for Gabz and Alfie to support, and he tells Alfie to leave him behind. Alfie refuses. They manage to get into the elevator car just in time, with the witch and Fang still pursuing. Dad instructs Alfie to connect two wires to get the elevator working. The witch claws through the bottom of the elevator and chews at Gabz’s ankles, saying that she will consume the girl.

They arrive at the top of the mine shaft to see the entire town waiting and watching. PC Plank is shocked to see the bony witch. Winnie charges forward; Dad tells her to pull Alfie and Gabz to safety. Winnie yanks Alfie out of the elevator but struggles to pull Gabz since the witch’s fangs are attached to her ankle. Alfie, and then everyone else, grabs ahold of Winnie to help her pull. Even Texting Boy helps. They pull Gabz free. The angry witch tells the crowd that she will catch and eat all the children of the town. With his last breath, Dad tells Winnie to look after his “little pup”; then, he pulls a wire from the elevator motor. The elevator drops, falling along the cable with the witch, Fang, and Dad in it. Alfie screams in denial; Winnie hugs him. Dad is gone.

The entire town attends Dad’s funeral. Alfie is bereft, but he allows Winnie to comfort him. Gabz tells Alfie, “We are going to have one hell of a story to tell our grandchildren!” (412). She agrees when Alfie calls Dad a hero and kisses Alfie’s cheek. Winnie and Alfie sit alone in the church once the others depart. Winnie checks on Alfie’s new teeth, the work of a nice dentist in the next town. Winnie hesitantly asks if Alfie would like it if she adopted him. He is thrilled. Winnie and Alfie hug.

A year later, Alfie attends Winnie and Raj’s wedding. The two fell in love after Alfie began bringing Winnie by Raj’s shop to get sweets. When Winnie throws the bouquet, it falls on Gabz. Gabz smiles at Alfie; the two are boyfriend and girlfriend now. Winnie drives her moped into their future, with Raj on the back and Alfie sitting between them. Alfie reflects on his happiness and hears his Dad’s words in his mind: “All you have to do is close your eyes, and believe” (430).